Every day ..

Every day can be exciting, Ms J. And fun. As fun and as interesting as I want it to be. I think that's an important lesson.

The lawn was looking very shaggy. The back lawn. It’s big. Much bigger than the front lawn. It needed to be cut. And I couldn’t wait any longer for Bob to offer his help. So I did it myself. It took me all day, but I got it done. I trimmed the forsythia bush as well. Watered my tomatoes. Staked up the raspberry bush. Hoed the garden. Pulled some weeds along the fence. The heat and humidity were overwhelming. Every hour or so, I’d come inside and have a cool drink and elevate and ice my foot.

I hated to return to the garden each time, Ms J. But I did. And I got ‘er done. The yard looks better. For now, anyway.


These happy faces watched me work, occassionally nodding their heads approvingly.

I'm off now to Kirk and Rey’s for dinner and a swim. I love my garden, Ms J. I love my friends. And I love my Life!

***

Me? A preacher?

Reverend Linda called yesterday.

"Could you pop over to the church this afternoon, Dale?" she asked. "There's something I want to discuss with you."

The church is only a few blocks away, Ms J, so I went. I met her in her office and we sat together a while, making small talk across the cluttered desk top. Soon she came to the point.

"I know I've asked you this before, Dale, but you've never committed to a firm answer. I'm asking you again now. When are you going to preach a sermon for us?"

Reverend Linda is a tall, slender woman. Just gone fifty. Handsome seems an appropriate word to describe her. She has beautifully expressive brown eyes and straight, brown hair. Her quick smile and school girl giggle belie her age and experience. And although Linda appears at times to be harried and overwhelmed, she has a knack for helping others to discover their own strengths. This is her fourth year with us and we like her very much.

"I don't know, Linda," I said. "Are you sure you want me to do this? Anyway, don't you have to be a bona fide preacher to preach?"

I heard Dan's teacher again in my head. "If you preach, preach, preach, you'll be a preacher."

I shook my head to dispel the notion. It was crazy. I mean you can't have just anyone standing up there behind the pulpit, can you? Don't you have to have a degree of some kind? Linda could see I was doing battle with my thoughts and she asked what I was thinking.

"Well, I'm not really a preacher, Linda. I don't even understand the Bible most of the time."

She handed me her Bible, opened to Matthew 14. "Read verses 23-33," she said, "and tell me what you think the message is. What do you think it means?"

I read through it and told her what it meant to me. It was the story of Jesus walking on water. Peter stepped out of a boat onto the stormy seas and walked on the water too, until he realised what he was doing and began to sink. He asked Jesus to help him and He did. "Oh ye of little faith," said Jesus. "Why did you doubt?"

"It's about trusting, I guess," I told the minister. "It's about stepping out of your comfort zone. About stepping out of your boat."

"You understand a lot more than you think, Dale," said Linda with a wide, I-told-you-so grin. "Do you think you could write a sermon based on that story?"

I felt my jaw fall slack.

"Write it? Holy shit ...!! Sorry, Linda. Holy cow! I thought I was just going to read it."

She laughed at my embarrassment and assured me she had lots of reference material that I could use.

"You love to read aloud," she smiled. "I know you do. You like doing the lay reading and the congregation always enjoys it too. And I've seen the articles you submit to our newsletter, so I know you like to write as well. Just say you'll do this, Dale. You'll be fine. Just fine."

I thought about it for another minute. She had said all the right things. She had offered all the right compliments in just the right measure. And the congregation enjoys hearing me read? Really? Well, I thought, ... what the hell.

"OK. I'll do it. When, though? I hope it's not too soon. It's going to take me a while to put this together you know."

Well, DUH! Of course, she knew, Ms J. She'd written a few sermons herself over the past twenty years. She leaned back in her chair and clasped her hands behind her head. The pedestal fan turned its grated head just then and puffed a strand of Linda's hair around her wrist. It looked like a bracelet. When she answered, her voice was soft and sweet.

"You've got the whole month of July. You can do your sermon on August 7th. How's that?"

Her manner was calming and I felt myself beginning to relax again. I smiled then and with a simple nod of my head, the deal was sealed.

I've donned a few unfamiliar hats, lately Ms J. Cripple. Singer. And now preacher. What in the world can be next? You know, Ms Journal, you may think it mundane and ordinary, but my Life has been more exciting to me than the wildest midway ride. Sometimes, when I think of it, I'm so filled with joy and wonderment, that I nearly laugh out loud.

***

Me? A singer?

Yes, Ms Journal. I am! When my son Daniel was in grade two, his teacher encouraged the students to practice reading.

"If you read, read, read," he told them, "you'll be a reader."

I've been singing for years. In the car, mostly. Sometimes in the shower. I reckon I must be a singer by now.

Me and Cy performed our song at church on Sunday morning. Pardon my grammar, Ms J. It's just that the words Cy and I sound strangely disturbing. OK. Cyril and I. Yes, that sounds better. Not so toxic. Now where was I?

Oh yeah. Church. The song. It was a fun service on Sunday for a number of reasons. There was lots of music, provided by two guitarists and a violinist. Richard and Cy played guitars. Carolyn played her fiddle. She hates when I call it a fiddle.

"It's a violin," she says.

Well la-de-da.

The service was the last one before the summer break. Our church will be closed for the five Sundays in July. We close every summer for a month. The last service is special too, because it's held outdoors and we worship al fresco. On the front lawn. In view of neighbours and passers by. I really enjoy that. The weather was perfect. Sunny. Calm. We sat on chairs under the sun dappled leaves of a matronly old Maple. The women wore sun hats and fanned themselves. Many people, including me, were in shorts and tank tops. Very informal, Ms J. Very relaxed. Sometimes, people would stop on the sidewalk to listen, or to join with us in song. Neighbours observed contentedly from their front porches. It was really quite lovely.

I lead nearly the whole service. Reverend Linda offered a short reflection on care of the environment reminding us of our responsibility to act as stewards of the earth, to care for and honour the gifts God created for us. But I did all the rest. I did the greeting and the announcements. I lead the congregation in prayer. And I did the lay reading - a passage from Genesis and a modern version of Psalm 8. That one was really beautiful.

As the offering was taken, Cyril and I did our song. We totally ROCKED!!! I was nervous at first, but I concentrated on the words and the timing and soon I wasn't even aware of the congregation. They were paying attention though, because when we were finished, they clapped. Really loud, Ms J!! Two people were standing on the sidewalk beyond the wrought iron fence, and they were smiling and clapping too. It was awesome!

I had planned to bring my camera but I plum forgot. Here's a shot of us rehearsing in the church last Thursday.




After the service, a couple of people approached us and said how much they'd enjoyed it, all of it. The whole service. And here's the best bit:

Carolyn (the fiddle player, cute as hell) told me she wanted to record a CD of our church music - you know, choir and Christmas songs, etc. - and she said she'd like to include "God and Man", the song Cyril and I did. She said she was trying to get a deal on recording time at a local college studio; she hopes then to sell the CD's to raise money for the church.

I'm puffing up my chest like a big, ol' peacock. Yup. I might be a recording star before Christmas, Ms J. OMG!! I'm R-ing on the F, L-ing my A off!!!!

The Mimico Muser has left the building.

***

Last Night ...

... was the night of the gala. Up in Caledon. A party to celebrate the hard work and wonderful plays we've done this past season. Everyone was dressed up. The women looked very alluring in long dresses and make-up and high heels. The men mostly wore suits and ties. Jackets. Shiny shoes. I almost had to forego the shiny shoes, Ms J. My swollen foot nearly didn't fit into my right shoe. But I worked until I got my fat foot into the stiff leather shoe.
I was soaking wet from the effort. Don't get me started about the heat. Crap weather. I detest it.

The evening began at 6:30 with cocktails and conversation. I missed that part. I didn't arrive until 7:15. I was just in time for the catered dinner. Roast beef. Lovely.

After dinner, we read an old radio show from the 1930's. George Burns and Gracie Allen, et al. I got to read Burns' part. It was hilarious, and great fun. We even performed commercial announcements for products like Alka-Selzter and Bryl-cream. (A little dab'll do ya!)

Then we all adjourned upstairs in the theatre proper to hear the awards ceremony. That was fun too. The best part was watching my friends accept their awards. Jenn and Jane both won trophies. Andrew too. It was Andrew who performed in my stead when my broken leg prevented me from taking part in the final show of the Caledon season.

This lady's name is Suzanne. I am soooo attracted to her. She is completely gorgeous. Totally sexy. And absolutely married. All the best ones are, it seems.


I could put her on a plate, and sop her up with a biscuit.

It was a fun night, a chance to visit with theatre mates before the summer takes us all in myriad directions. And all my very favourite people were recognised for their hard work and talent. Congrats to you all! Jenn. Jane. Andrew. John Carter.


Jenn and I outside the theatre just at sunset. Photo by Jane.

I'm off now to attend a BBQ party at the home of Cy and Karen MacPherson. Cyril and I performed our song at church this morning. More about that, later. Ta for now, Ms J.

***

Not much ...

... to write about today. Went to physio. Went shopping. Nearly perished in the heat. The heat and humidity are back. Environment Canada is predicting a high of 34C tomorrow. And a humidex reading of 41C.

Tomorrow evening is the Caledon Townhall Players annual gala. Cocktails, dinner and an awards ceremony. Jenn and Jane will be there. I'll see lots of actor friends. It'll be fun once I get there, Ms J, but I'm not looking forward to donning a suit and tie and driving up there in this oppressive heat. The A/C doesn't work in my car.

---

I found this a few days ago. I thought it was amusing. Enjoy!

Subject: Actual Newspaper Headlines

Read these carefully for maximum enjoyment!

59 Actual Newspaper Headlines (collected by journalists)
==================================================
1. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
2. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
3. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
4. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
5. Siamese Twin Survivor Joins Parents
6. Farmer Bill Dies in House
7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
8. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
9. Stud Tires Out
10. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
11. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
12. Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again
13. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
14. Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
15. Eye Drops off Shelf
16. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
17. Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
18. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
19. Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
20. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
21. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
22. Miners Refuse to Work after Death
23. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
24. Stolen Painting Found by Tree
25. Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
26. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
27. Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
28. Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
29. Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in `84
30. War Dims Hope for Peace
31. If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
32. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
33. Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
34. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
35. Deer Kill 17,000
36. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
37. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
38. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
39. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
40. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
41. Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
42. Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
43. British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
44. Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
45. Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
46. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
47. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
48. Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
49. Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing
50. Air Head Fired
51. Steals Clock, Faces Time
52. Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff
53. Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni
54. Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
55. Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
56. Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction
57. Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training
58. Include your Children When Baking Cookies
59. 4-H Girls Win Prizes for Fat Calves

***

Thursday.

Beautiful day, Ms Journal. The weather was perfect - sunny and 23C. Larry invited me for lunch so I drove to his place around 1:00. He and his wife served me a HUGE t-bone steak, barbecued to perfection, and salad and baked potato. It was all quite delicious. The conversation was interesting and the time passed quickly. Today marked Larry's first day back at work since he hurt himself on the job three and a half years ago.

At 4:30, I said, "I promised my sister I'd visit her this afternoon, Larry. I'd better get going." And after hugs and good-byes, off I went to my sister's. June lives only five minutes from Larry and Val. I have four sisters, Ms J - two older and two younger; June is younger. She has a special place in my heart.

I played with her kids while she prepared dinner. Shauna is six and Ryan is five. Shauna's name is Erika. Her middle name is Shauna. I really like the name Shauna. I don't fancy "Erika" so much. So I call my niece "Shauna". I'm the only one who does so. Shauna was confused by it at first, but she's quite used to it now.

Supper (chicken, barbecued, delicious!) was eaten and the kids were playing happily on the swing set when June and I sat at the table on the wooden deck in the back yard to enjoy the evening together. I hadn't seen much of my sister lately. I didn't realise how much I missed her until I made the effort to visit. I took a couple of photos of Shauna and Ryan. I'll post them if I get June's permission.

I really enjoyed my time with her but I had to rush off at 8:30. There was a rehearsal planned at church tonight. Cyril wanted to do our song again before we perform it at church on Sunday morning. I hated to leave June's, but I had promised Cy I'd meet him at the church. It's a cool song, Ms J. I've written about it before.

Remember?

We were both sober this time, but we still sounded pretty good. I'm looking forward to doing the song on Sunday, but I must confess. I'm as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs!

You can wish me luck, Ms Journal. But please, PLEASE don't say "Break a leg."

G' night.

***

Bad News? Or good?

I went to visit Dr. Roscoe this morning. I'd hoped he might give me a couple more weeks at home before sending me back to work. Yesterday afternoon, I pottered about in the garden for an hour, then I mowed the lawn. When I came inside to rest, my foot was swollen grotesquely and it ached like hell. My lower leg was quite tender too, around the site of the fracture. Until yesterday, it had been feeling pretty good. Even Barbara declared I could return to work in a week or so.

The doctor observed my swollen foot and asked what I'd been doing. I told him what I'd done yesterday.

"Well the x-ray looks great," he told me. "The bone is fine. It's the rest of it that still needs TLC. It seems clear that you're not up to par just yet. Come back and see me in six weeks."

"But when can I go back to work, Doc?" I asked.

"I know you're anxious to get back on the train, Dale, but honestly, if you can't stand on your leg for an hour without it becoming swollen and painful, and you can't walk without limping, ..."

He stared at me with those brown eyes of his and reluctantly, I nodded my head in agreement. He was right.

"You've got money coming in and your mortgage is covered. Why not relax and enjoy the summer?"

I felt a little disappointed, Ms J. I was hoping to return to work early in July. But you know what? If the doctor says stay home, then I guess I'll have to stay home. I'll have to continue to sleep late every morning. I'll have to continue socializing and singing and drinking and having fun.

At least until August 2, when I visit the doctor again.


So I called Girl Alex and together, we went to the beach.

Today marks the summer solstice. The longest day of the year, and the first official day of summer. I can walk, Ms J. I can drive. My kids are alright. And I don't have to work until August sometime. I'm off now for dinner and a swim at Kirk and Rey's. Life is brilliant!

***

Father's Day With Meagan

"I hope, at the end of the day, you go to bed with a smile on your face."

That was a comment left here Friday by Heather over at Fumbling For Words. I thought of her words more than once today. I was worried I might say something stupid and spoil the day for both Meagan and me. But Meagan is a relaxed sort of child. Usually, anyway. Spending time with her is easy.

I picked her up at home at 12:30. She was ready on time! After a quick stop to get her a cup of yogurt and fruit, we proceeded northwest to Mt. Forest to visit my mum and dad. The weather was cool and cloudy for the drive, but despite gloomy skies, not a drop of rain fell. The conversation flowed as the miles passed quickly beneath us.

Dan has been a good brother lately. Maxine has been good for him. She does not approve of drugs or alcohol. Dan craves her approval. I'm sure he craves drugs too, but so far, Maxine exerts a stronger influence. She lives with Dan now at Kelly's home. Maxine is seventeen. She goes everywhere Dan goes and claims she'll leave him if he returns to drugs.

"So Meagan," I asked as casually as I could. "Does Maxine sleep with Dan?"

Kelly is just foolish enough to allow encourage that. Honestly, Ms J. If brains were dynamite, the woman wouldn't have enough to blow her nose.

"Yeah, they sleep together, Dad. But Maxine's on the pill. She had a scare a couple of months ago and now she's on the pill. She's not taking any chances."

I breathed a quiet sigh of relief.

"Thank you, Meagan," I said. "I feel much better knowing that."

The boy inherited his mother's IQ.

---

Dad's been busy trapping animals in his back garden. He and Mum have a vegetable garden. It's fenced to discourage local four-legged vandals, but still somehow, they manage to get in. So far, Dad's caught two raccoons and three groundhogs. Some people call them woodchucks. Groundhogs (or woodchucks) eat everything green. They normally feast on alfalfa and sweet clover, but they seem to fancy most things found in a vegetable garden.

Although these animals are fairly common here, I don't think Meagan had ever seen a groundhog up close. This little fellow wandered into Granddad's trap as we watched from Grandma's kitchen window.


A young one. Born this spring.

Dad catches the critters alive and takes each one out into the countryside where he releases it unharmed. Meagan quite enjoyed the process.


"Get out, you little bugger. Go on and find your mum."

A few years ago, Dad used a leg hold trap to catch a groundhog. He discovered the creature the next morning. It had tried to crawl out of its underground burrow and over the trap and the poor thing was caught quite securely by the testicles. Dad felt so bad about it, he vowed never again to use that type of trap. I was there when it happened, Ms J. And I must tell you, as a man, it was painful to look at! We couldn't get close to the animal to free him, so we had no choice but to kill it.

This cage-type trap is much more humane.


Dad and Scout watch as he scurries away unharmed.

So it was a good day, Ms J. Mum made a lovely dinner. My sister Helen dropped in to wish Dad a Happy Father's Day. The weather was cool but the sun shone in the afternoon. And I had a brilliant time with my daughter.


A chat before dinner.

I took Meagan home around 8:30. I met Maxine and I said hello to Dan. It was the first time I'd seen him since he left here three months ago. He's grown a beard and gained some weight. It was good to see my son again.

Heather's wish came true. It was a good day, Ms J. And I'm going to bed in a minute ... with a smile on my face.


Sometimes a woman, sometimes a little girl. I love her so much.

***

Something New to Look Forward To

I nearly had a date tonight. Nearly. I was hoping to go to St. Catherines to spend the day with a woman named Cindy. Cindy is forty-something, blond, cute as hell. But things didn't work out and so I'm home tonight in Mimico. My thoughts are with Cindy, though. Happy Birthday, Cindy. I hope your day was brilliant. I was looking forward to this day, but now I have something else to feel excited about.

---

Meagan (my daughter) and I have been exchanging email this week. I haven't seen her since May 16th when she spent a weekend here with me. We're planning a trip to Mt Forest to see my parents on Sunday.

Subject: Hello from Dad
Date: Sun, 12 Jun 2005 19:16:40 -0400

Hi Scout.

I got your email and I've added your new address to my address book. I don't know what the heck "xanarchyx" means, but I like it better than your old address.

I hope you're staying cool in this yucky heat.

Dad

PS. Are we still on for a Fathers Day trip to Mt. Forest next Sunday? I'd like to pick you up around noon. Tell Dan he's welcome to come with us if he wants.



But Dan's not going to come with us. Meagan says he's still angry with me. Hah! He came here last February to help me when I was disabled. He was selfish and not much help at all. He lied to me about his drug use, he disrespected me and my home, and he stole money from me. I bought him a guitar and a set of weights. And he's angry with me. What a self-absorbed little prick he can be sometimes, Ms J!

"Anyway," Meagan said on the phone recently, "Dan doesn't really like your family that much. He says he feels uncomfortable at Grandad's because they treat him like he's retarded or something."

Maybe if he'd start behaving like a normal human being, Ms J, ... But I kept that thought to myself. I was hurt though, and when I spoke, I spoke from my hurt and anger.

"That's OK, Scout," I said. "I'll have a better time without him."

Kelly told me later that Meagan told her brother what I'd said. Thanks, Meagan. That was helpful. I will never understand why she thought it necessary to tell Dan what I'd said. Never. Lesson learned, though. Keep my mouth shut around the kids.

The next day, Meagan replied to my email:


Sent: Monday, June 13, 2005 9:52 PM
Subject: RE: Hello from Dad


Hey Dad.

I got YOUR e-mail and yes, we are still on for next Sunday. Dan won't come. "xanarchyx" means "anarchy" with x's infront and behind it. Anarchy (pronounced "an-are-key") means no rules, no boundries, no police and their stupid extra-large egos, and none of that stuff. Total freedom of everything. But don't abuse the privalage, it can be dangerous. O.K., e-mail me back when you get this.

~Meg~


Subject: Re: Hello from Dad
Date: Tue, 14 Jun 2005 08:20:27 -0400

OK. I get it. Anarchy with a kiss before and a kiss after. Lovely! I like it!

I know you like to sleep late on Sundays, Scout. Can I pick you up at 12:30?

Dad


Subject: Re: Hello from Dad
Date: Wednesday, June 15 2005 7:52 PM

Sure! 12:30 sounds great! See you then.

~Meg~

---

So I'm looking forward to that. I'll collect my best girl on Sunday afternoon and drive a hundred miles to see my parents. We'll have a nice day together. And I'll keep my mouth shut about my feelings toward Dan. And Kelly. And Scott.

Good night, Ms J.

***

Tidying Up and Looking Outward

I cleared off my mantle this morning. I did some housework and when I came to the mantle above the fireplace, I stopped and stared for a long minute at the cards I had there on display. Get well cards. About sixteen of them. They were given to me by friends, mostly, and coworkers. And family. Sixteen cards. I gathered them up one at a time, and read each one again.

There was a card from Girl Alex, hand made "especially for Dale." I'm keeping that one. Frankie's was hand crafted as well. "Spirit is with you," it said. "Get well soon." I'm keeping that one, too. "One great big hug," said one. "Take good care of yourself," said another. Rhonda wrote that she was thinking of me. Dolly's card wished me a "speedy recovery", Kevin's card offered assistance with "anything at all. Don't be afraid to ask. Whatever you need ..."

"Into each Life some rain must fall," said a card from Mum and Dad. Inside was a beautiful handwritten note, signed by Mum.

The last one I read was from my brother, Pat and his wife, Linda. Encouragement was the gift it presented. The verse inside seemed to offer an apt summation of all the get well wishes of all the people who have cared for me and about me these past five months:

"Sometimes the winds of adversity struggle against us ... and the frustrations of Life dampen our endeavors. But it may help you to know that there are many friends who care about you. We are here to support you, and to help you in any way we can."

The words found their way into the depths of my heart and I sat and cried quietly. I cried for myself and for how much I've missed by not seeing my children. I cried tears of gratitude for the Love I've been shown and for the people - some of whom I'll never meet - who have left encouraging comments here and/or sent email. Thank you all so much.

My thoughts then turned to another person who hurts. We know her. We all know her, or should. Her name is Maggie. You'll find her blog here.

Maggie has suffered the loss of a number of people she loved. And they've all left her in the past four weeks. Maggie's birthday is on Thursday, June 16th.

She's a very strong woman. She'll survive her current sadness. It will not defeat her. But she's human and her heart is tender. Won't you please visit her blog and wish her a Happy Birthday? Email her, too.

And as if she doesn't have enough to contend with, her computer is not working right now. She's doing her best to free it of the virus it contains, but until it's repaired, she'll feel cut off from her friends here in the blog world. Think of her. She lives in the south-western U.S. Arizona, to be exact. Let's hold dear Maggie in our thoughts today, if only for a minute or two. Send her positive energy. Wish her well. Do it now. Fall still. Close your eyes. I really believe it'll make a difference. It can't hurt. And when she gets back online, her inbox will fill with encouragement from around the world.

"Sometimes the winds of adversity struggle against us ... and the frustrations of Life dampen our endeavors. But it may help you to know that there are many friends who care about you. We are here to support you, and to help you in any way we can."

Happy Birthday, Maggie! Wherever you are. We love you.

***

A Lovely Afternoon

Hi Ms J.

I had a brilliant afternoon yesterday. It was my friend Jennefer's birthday. She's thirty-five. And loving it! To be completely honest, she gets better looking as she ages. More self-assured. And thinner! Just more beautiful, all round.


Our Jennefer. Ain't she gorgeous?

I drove (DROVE!!) over to Jenn's mum's place after my physiotherapy. She (Jenn's mum) has had some health problems lately, but she's persevered and come through it with a plum.

Hmmmm ... A plum? That doesn't look right.

Jenn's mum - her name is Donna - has come through her ordeal with aplomb. Yes, that's better.

Donna's a great lady. Hospitable. Indominable. Intrepid. She has a lovely apartment on the ground floor of a brand new senior's building only about ten or fifteen minutes from me. I arrived first and we sat outdoors and chatted while we awaited the arrival of Jenn and Jane. We all enjoyed salad and hamburgers for lunch and afterward, we adjourned to the patio again and shared more conversation.


Jane on the left. Jenn on the right. Doesn't Donna look proud?

Around three o'clock, we said goodbye and departed. I came home, while Jenn and Jane went off in search of a digital camera. It was after all, Jenn's birthday.


***

Happy Birthday, dear Jennefer. You have enriched my Life in ways you cannot imagine. Now, if you could just get your mother-in-law to fall in love with me ...
(More about that, later.)

***

Good Advice for Us All

*** 

HOW TO STAY YOUNG


1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height.

Let the doctors worry about that. That's their job.


2. Keep only cheerful friends.

The grouches pull you down. (keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches)


*** 


3. Keep learning:

Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever.

Never let the brain get idle.

An idle mind is the devil's workshop.

And the devil's name is Alzheimer's!


4. Enjoy the simple things.


*** 


5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and Lots of time with him or her.


*** 


6. Tears happen sometimes:

Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is our self. LIVE while you are alive.


7. Surround yourself with what you love:

Whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.

Your home is your refuge.


*** 


8. Cherish your health:

If it is good, preserve it.

If it is unstable, improve it.

If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.


9. Don't take guilt trips.

Take a trip to the mall, to another town, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.


*** 


10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.


*** 


And if you don't copy this to your blog - who cares?
But do share this with someone. Someone who matters. Like I did!


*** 

Incidentally, it's pouring rain here in Mimico. I guess God does read this blog. She even left a comment the other day. Thanks, Lord!

Happy Birthday, Jennefer! You look fabulous!!

***

Poppies! 

"Hot, eh?"

If I hear that one more time today, I may be forced to murder the person who said it.

It's hot in Mimico, Ms J. Humid. Sticky. Completely disgusting. I don't know of anyone who enjoys this kind of weather. It's currently 31C. That's 88F for our American friends. Environment Canada takes pleasure in using something called "Humidex" to make us even more miserable. Here's an example of a local weather forecast:

"It's 31 outside right now with a humidex reading of 40. A severe thunderstorm watch and a smog warning both remain in effect. The winds are calm."

Isn't that lovely, Ms J? It's 31C and so humid, that it feels more like 40C. That's 104F. What the hell are we going to do when summer arrives? This weather is not only nasty, it's dangerous. At risk are the very old and the very young. And anyone with respiratory problems. I feel sorry for people who live in flats without air conditioning. My friend, Andra is one of those. She lives on the third (top) floor of a building and she has no a/c. Instead, she has two great fans that blow papers off the table and frighten her cats.

"I take a lot of cool showers," she says.

So do I, Andie. But not for the same reason. (Wink, wink.)

I drove to the wine store this morning and bottled thirty bottles of Pinot Noir. I had to carry it into the house and down to the basement alone. I hate going down stairs, Ms J. Any stairs. I am scared of falling. My cellar stairs are steep. If I ever fell there and injured (re-injured) myself, I might wait a long, long time for help. So I carried only six bottles at a time and made five trips between the cellar and the car outside. I was soaking wet when I'd finished.

I drank a huge tumbler of lemonade and laid down on the couch in front of the fan where I fell asleep. I slept for nearly two hours. It's the heat that tires me out. It's dreadful! I feel as limp as a wet dish rag.

How can there be so much moisture in the air without clouds forming? Every day for the past week or so, the weather forecast has been the same:

"Sunny, hot and humid with a risk of thunder-showers."

We're still awaiting the rain. The earth is parched. The air is dirty. We really need rain. Let that be my prayer, then.

"Please Lord, bring us the blessing of your rain. Cooler temperatures would be welcome too."

Do you think He reads this blog, Ms J? I'll bet He does, although He doesn't comment. Or perhaps He does comment, but uses other names. Gemmak. Jennytc. Sarah. Loner. Michelle. Ann. Larry. Jennefer. Et al.

***

No honour among thieves

Gemmak stole this from Toasted Crumpet. So I nicked it from Gemmak. Michelle did too, I think.

Enjoy. Take it if you want and add to it to make it your own.

---

As a child.... did you ever...?

(x) sneak out of the house
(x) get lost in your own neighbourhood
(x) see a shooting star
(x) get into a fist fight
(x) laugh so hard you had milk/coke come down your nose
( ) have an imaginary friend or pet
(x) push all the buttons on an elevator
(x) skip school
( ) gotten stitches
(x) gotten the chicken pox
(x) done the splits
( ) played spin the bottle
(x) cheat on a test or exam
( ) deliberately ignore your curfew
( ) go out in public in your pajamas
(x) shoplift
(x) have a crush on a teacher

As an adult ....have you ever...?

(x) been to any other countries.
(x) had a serious surgery
( ) kissed a stranger
(x) hugged a stranger
( ) been arrested
(x) skipped work
(x) been in love
(x) been to a casino
( ) been skydiving
(x) skinny dipped
( ) scuba dived
(x) been fired
( ) had a crush on someone of the same sex
(x) had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back
( ) gone on a blind date
(x) lied to a friend
(x) lied to a significant other/spouse
( ) celebrated Mardi-Gras in New Orleans
(x) been married
(x) gotten divorced
(x) had children
( ) seen someone die
( ) had a close friend die
(x) driven over 400 miles in one day
(x) been on a plane
(x) seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) met someone in person from the internet
( ) lost a child
( ) gone to college/university
( ) graduated college/university
(x) fired a gun
( ) had your home broken into
( ) had your car stolen

***

Norton ... It's all sorted

The solution to my problem was found today, not surprisingly, by the use of tolerance and patience. Perseverance. And an open heart. I'm ashamed of the way I behaved yesterday.

I was just home today from a very relaxing afternoon spent with my friend, Frankie. She and I had a picnic lunch by the lake and then we went to see Girl Alex in a play at G.A's school. The lunch was delicious, the weather, bonny, and the play brilliant. Confusing and weird, Ms J. But brilliant. I always enjoy watching my young friend on stage. She has mononucleosis, poor thing. She's been so fatigued lately, but she put on a brave face and performed like a trouper.

So I arrived home in a jolly mood.

"Now'd be a good time to call the Symantec people," I said as I hung my cane by the banister and headed up the stairs to the computer. "I don't want to do this, but I have to. I wish I didn't hate them so much. Maybe I'm anti-Symantec."

I smiled at my pun as I dialed the toll-free number.

After going round four or five times pressing 3 for this and 5 for that and sometimes ending up where I'd started, I finally spoke to a real person. His name was unintelligible and he spoke as though he had a mouthful of marbles. I resolved to stick with him and endure whatever misery was necessary in order to resolve my problem. I had paid good money for a subscription renewal and I was determined to get what I'd paid for. I strained hard to decipher his thick accent and thought of Anvilcloud and his "poor ears". If he could concentrate and do this, so could I. I closed my eyes and opened my heart.

He took my information again. I gave it all patiently. Name. Address. "Zip code." I explained that we don't have zip codes in Canada. We call them postal codes. Then he took me through the procedure to enter the subscription key into my Norton software. I followed his instructions. Slowly, carefully. One sentence at a time. Sometimes one letter or number at a time. When I couldn't understand what he said, I asked him gently to repeat it. I spoke slowly and clearly.

I tried to picture the man at the other end of the phone. He was wearing a long, white cotton shirt - like a night shirt. His skin was the colour of dried tobacco. No turban. Hair, black and greasy.

"I've done all of this before, my friend," I explained. "I keep getting the same error message."

He lead me to the customer support pages of Symantec's website. Together we surfed that sea of hopelessness and just as I was beginning to consider surrendering, he put me on hold.

He was back in two minutes.

"Dale? Can I call you Dale?"

I nodded my head for a second before I remembered to respond verbally.

"Yes. Yes, you can call me Dale. I prefer that, my friend. What did you find out while I was on hold?"

"Dale?"

"Yes, sir."

"You are patient man, Dale. Thank you for being so kind to me. I have many, many angry customers. You are not angry. You are nice man."

He was smiling, Ms J. Smiling. I could hear it. So I smiled back. It felt really good. I spoke slowly again.

"You're quite welcome. It's much better this way, isn't it?"

I was thinking of my stress and anger yesterday. I wanted to apologise to the poor man to whom I was so disrespectful.

"Yes, it is," he said. "Much better."

He had a new subscription key to give me. Apparently, the numbered code I'd been sent was not applicable to my version of software. I entered the new number and the problem was solved. Just like that.

"Thank you so much for your help," I told him. "If I could, I would come to India and hug you."

He was laughing when he replied.

"Thank you, Dale. You are very nice man. You are bringing me happy."

So there you have it, Ms Journal. What a perfectly brilliant day I've had! A picnic lunch with Frankie. Girl Alex on stage at school. My Norton subscription renewed successfully. And I have a new friend. In India. Isn't that the best part?

Karma. "As you sow, so shall you reap." I feel really good right now. I think that man brought me happy too.

***

One of these days, Norton ...

Pow! To the moon!

That's what television comedian Jackie Gleason used to say to his friend, Ed Norton when he was angry with him. And that's what I'd like to say to the brainless fuckwits at Symantec.

I use Norton Anti-virus software. I've used it for years without much complaint. A year ago, I borrowed a copy of Norton SystemWorks from a guy at work and installed it. Recently, I was informed that my subscription needed renewing in order to stay abreast of the latest viruses, etc. So I visited Symantec's website and bought a renewal. $32.

After trying for two days, I'm still unable to entice the program to accept my new eleven digit subscription key. I spent nearly an hour on the phone this afternoon with a series of tech support people whose English is so poor, I could barely understand them. I became quite flustered.

"I haven't a clue what you're talking about, sir," I said finally to one. "Is there anyone there who can speak English?"

"Please hold sir."

And I waited. And waited. Played a game of solitaire. And waited some more.

Finally, "Hello. This is Mohammad speaking. How am I helping you?"

Lovely, thought I. Just bloody lovely. I've called an office in India. Or Brampton. I took a deep breath and began my story again.

And when I had finished, he said, "Can you spell your e-mail address?"

I knew he was going to say that, Ms J. I just knew it. It was the same stupid question that I had answered already at least four times. I rhymed off my address.

"Vhat is your country, sir?"

"Canada," I said as if it might somehow make a difference. I could not see, for the Life of me, how repeating my information would help me install this sodding subscription key - this $32 subscription key.

"Vhat city, please?"

"Toronto."

I was starting to come unravelled. I just wanted to renew my anti-virus subscription. Why must it be so difficult?

"Can you spell, please?"

"T - O - R - O - N - T - O."

"P? O? R? ..."

"No. 'T' as in ... ummm tea." I was losing it. And quickly. "'T' for God's sake, man. Toronto. It's only the biggest f ..., the biggest city in the whole fu ..."
I was rapidly becoming incoherant. I couldn't even form a sentence without cursing. I stopped for a moment and really focused on my breathing. I needed to calm myself.

"Torumpo?"

And this man wasn't helping things.

"OK," I said finally. "This is bullshit. I just wanted some help with my subscription renewal but all you people know how to do, is ask stupid and unnecessary questions. I have neither the stomach nor the patience for this horseshit today. Maybe I'll try tomorrow. Maybe I won't. Maybe you can take my $32 and work it up your arses."

And I hung up the phone.


@#&**#@!!!! 

I'm sorry I behaved that way, Ms J. But I really cannot bear it when something so apparently simple, is complicated like that. I'm sure Norton has saved a lot of money on wages by contracting their tech support to a third world country. I'm sure their share holders are thrilled. But I'm not impressed. Not at all. Dell has done the same thing with their tech support.

I don't really care where in the world you live, but if your job requires you to speak English, then learn it. Practice it. Speak it. Stop interrogating customers, and work toward helping them solve their problems. This incident happened an hour ago and I'm still angry. It could be I'm the one with the problem. I'll see how I feel tomorrow.

This concludes my rant. Thank you for reading it through.

***

Postcard Club and Foreign Food

I mailed two cards today, Ms Journal. One went to Butterfly and the other to Zulu. Every card I receive gets a response. It's quite exciting to check the mailbox every morning in the hope of finding a new postcard. It turns out bloggers are real people who send real cards with brief, handwritten messages. It's affirming. Comforting, in a way. Thanks to all who take a moment to mail a card to a virtual stranger, just because he asked.

It looks as though my twice-weekly swim sessions will be curtailed for ten days or so. Kirk and Rey informed me that their pool is undergoing a course of maintenance and is currently closed. However, that hasn't changed the fact that they seem to enjoy my company and so I'm still invited to visit my friends and share dinner with them. I've been bringing wine, lately.

Tonight, we ate traditional Iranian food. Rey is Iranian. We had basmati rice with saffron and onions and fresh parsley. Cooked tomatoes were also served on top of the rice. The meat was kabobs. It was specially prepared (halal) ground beef pressed onto a skewer and cooked. The meal was not spicy at all, but it certainly was different from anything I'd eaten before. It was tasty, actually, and very filling.

After dinner, Rey cut our hair. Kirk went first while I laid on the couch, elevated and iced my swollen foot, and watched television. She cut mine next while Kirk showered. I'm happy with my new haircut. It looks brilliant. Thanks, Rey!

I'm off to see my physio girls in the morning. I hope Barbara doesn't get angry when she sees my swollen foot. She told me to wear my cast more often, but it's been terribly warm and muggy here lately and I prefer to be castless in the heat.

I have a window air conditioner in the cellar, but it's heavy and I'm afraid to carry it up the stairs without help. Maybe Bob will drop by again soon.

Good night, Ms J.

***

Today's Top Story ...

I drove my car today, Ms Journal!!! I walked out of my house this morning at 9:25, proceeded carefully down the steps to the driveway, and got in my car. It felt good, I must say, to be behind the wheel again after four months. I drove by myself to my physio appointment. I had driven a test lap around the 'hood last night. I was confident I could go safely to see Barb and Beanzy.

It was hot and humid in Mimico today and the car air conditioner doesn't work. But I didn't care. I put the windows down and enjoyed the wind on my face. I didn't go very fast. I can't bend my ankle much yet, so I couldn't press the accelerator down very far. I did quite well stopping though, and I think that's more important.

So it was a good day, Ms J. Another hurdle cleared. Another small victory on the road to recovery.

And a friend, Bob King, popped over this afternoon to cut the lawn and do the trimming in the back garden. Thanks, Bob!!


Bob has been a big help lately. 

***

Pure Love = Pure Joy

Sunday. What a fabulous day! I went to church this morning. Reverend Linda asked me to read a short reflection on joy and how it relates to singing, and the coming of summer. It was fun and easy. I think everyone enjoyed it. The service was really enjoyable. There was no sermon, but lots of singing. I'm not an accomplished singer, Ms J. But I do like to sing. I enjoy music and this morning, I loved every hymn. We prayed as usual for Daniel, and also today for Larry, an acquaintance of mine who’ll soon return to work after a seven year absence.

After the service, there was a “gourmet” lunch served in the gym downstairs. Carrot and coriander soup. Little sandwiches. Cheesecake cupcakes. Tea and Coffee. Delicious! At 2:30, there was a concert in the sanctuary performed by two groups: The Mississauga Festival Choir and The Broadway Collective. Our organist, the lovely and talented Andrea, is part of both groups and acted as accompanist on the piano.


*** 

It was delightful! The Festival Choir sang first. There were about forty voices united in harmony. I listened and smiled all the way through. Fascinated, I watched Andrea’s fingers dancing on the piano keys. So accurate. So confident. Seemingly effortless. Beautiful. She’ll be leaving us soon. Andrea has graced our church with her musical talent for six years. This will be her last summer at Wesley. We’ll miss her.

The Broadway Collective was a small group of singers: two young men and two young women, who sounded so good together, I couldn’t hold back my tears. There’s something about music in the church that often brings me to tears. I don’t understand why it happens really, although the reason doesn’t seem important. I am filled with the joy of the Holy Spirit, I guess. I just fill up with joy until it spills down my cheeks.

I had my cast off all day and my foot's not sore at all. It was a most excellent day. I even took my car out for a drive round the block. More about that tomorrow. I can't stop smiling, Ms J.

G'night!

***

A Great Play!

I'm just home from the theatre. Girl Alex and I went to see "Things We Do For Love." Bob King drove us. We all thoroughly enjoyed the show.


Well Done!! 

It was bittersweet for me, though. I was supposed to be in that play. It was supposed to be me up there on stage with my friends. I was going to be "Gilbert." But my leg refused to heal in time and I wasn't able to attend rehearsals. I wished so much I had been part of that production, Ms J. Instead, I was part of the audience, at the back of the theatre. There was a full house tonight.

Andrew was really, really good as Gilbert. He didn't have much time to prepare for the role, either. He did well. Jennefer was brilliant as usual. And she can sing! I'd never seen Chris act before, but he was surprisingly good. Dianna was completely awesome. I had no idea she was so gifted.

"Things We Do For Love" is the final show of the season. And they're sure going out with a bang!

***

I hate feeling this way

I'm jealous, Ms J. Jealous of Scott. He's Meagan's stepfather. Scott is still married to Kelly, although they've been apart now more than two years. Scott lived with Kelly and my kids for ten years. Clearly, he loves those kids. But so do I, dammit. And I would like to have at least spoken to my daughter on her birthday. Meagan turned thirteen yesterday.

I called her in the afternoon when I thought she'd be home from school.

"She's not home yet, Dad," Dan told me. "Try calling around 4:30."

(He sounds alright, Dan does. He told me he's been clean for two months now.)

"OK, son. Please tell Meagan I called. I just wanted to wish her a happy birthday. Did she get the card I sent?"

He said he didn't know, but he'd tell his sister I called.

I tried calling two or three times between 4:30 and 5:00, but there was no answer. Then Rey arrived to take me for my Thursday swim. I phoned again later from Kirk's place and spoke with Kelly.

"Oh she's gone, Dale. Scott picked her up after school. She's spending the night at his place."

And the green monster reared its ugly head.

Scott is only guilty of caring for Meagan. How can that be a bad thing? Is it wrong that Scout has another adult to love her and honour her birthday? If I could only drive, I would have picked her up after school. But I had no car. I can't drive yet anyway. Soon maybe. But not yet. And I didn't make any arrangements with either Kelly or Meagan. That's the Truth. So why do I feel this way?

Scott has two daughters of his own. Erin and Terra are in their twenty's now. You'd think maybe the man might understand the value of father/daughter relationships. Maybe he feels he's doing a good thing by acting on my behalf while I'm incapacitated. I don't know.

All I know is that I love my little girl. I sent her a card which she later acknowledged in a telephone message. I only wanted to wish her a happy birthday. I guess it'll wait until tonight, the day after her birthday.

Kelly told me Meagan had invited two friends for a sleep-over tonight. My friend Frankie and I are going to a "spiritual gifts" workshop at the church this evening from 7:00 to 9:30. I'll phone Meagan again when I get home.

I don't know why I'm so worked up about this, Ms Journal. After all, it was her birthday, not mine. As I write this, I can hear my insecurities quite clearly.

June 19th is Father's Day. I plan to take my kids - both of them - and drive, yes DRIVE up to Mount Forest that day to visit my dad. That is my plan. For Father's Day. Scott might want to consider spending the day with his own kids. And leave Dan and Scout with me.

I'm sure Mum and Dad will be impressed with Meagan's navel piercing, a birthday gift from her mother.

***

In case you didn't see it earlier ...

Appalling! Re-runs in Blogdom. Must be summertime.

---

Shauna has a brilliant idea. She's over at Butterfly Wings. She proposes a postcard club of sorts. A bloggers-only postcard flurry. Check out her blog. It's a great idea, I think. But you must be brave. Are you brave enough to reveal your address?

I am.

35 Albert Ave.
Etobicoke, Ontario
Canada
M8V 2L6

Hah! See that? I did it!! Every card gets a response. Be the first on your block to get a postcard all the way from Mimico. I dare ya.

---

Well, I'm just home from a trip to the liquor store. It was quite an odyssey, let me tell you. I don't have a car right now, as I've loaned it to a friend, so I decided to use public transit. To wit, a streetcar. Some call them trolleys, but to us here in Toronto, they're streetcars. I strapped my cast on and headed out into the afternoon sunshine.

After standing on the corner for more than half an hour, the streetcar finally arrived. I hobbled out onto the pavement toward the open doors and just as I was about to step up onto the waiting car, a woman suddenly appeared beside me.

"Excuse me," she said and stepped right in front of me to board the car. She must have weighed nearly three hundred pounds and she stank of body odour and cigarette smoke. I took a step back and waited while she scaled the stairs and deposited her ticket in the box provided. I stepped up onto the streetcar and, holding my breath in her wake, produced my ticket.

"That's no good. You can't ride with that," said the driver.

I furrowed my brow and stared at him.

"Whadda ya mean 'no good'?" I asked.

"They've raised the fares," he said. "These old tickets are no good anymore."

I descended the steps and headed for the nearest ticket office, about two blocks away. I paid $20. for ten new tickets and walked back out to the street to wait another thirty minutes for the next car.

Toronto Transit Commission slogan:

"Take the TTC. It's the better way."

I feel sorry for all the poor people who don't have their own automobile, Ms J. It's so convenient just to jump in the car and drive. Wherever. Whenever. Much nicer than riding public transit. Cleaner. And not so malodorous.

Better way my arse.

***

Brain Cramps: Famous Quotes

Jst becuz yore rich or faymous dos'nt mean yore smrt. Here are some examples of education vs intelligence:

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever."

--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

---

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey

---

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."

--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

---

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."

--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

---

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."

--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

---

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."

--Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

---

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it."

---A congressional candidate in Texas.

---

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."

--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

---

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."

--Al Gore, U.S. Vice President

---

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."

--Dan Quayle, U.S. Vice President

---

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"

--Lee Iacocca, CEO Chrysler Corp.

---

"The word 'genius’ isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

---

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."

-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC instructor.

---

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."

--Bill Clinton, President

---

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."

--Al Gore, U.S. Vice President

---

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."

--Keppel Enderbery

---

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."

--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

---

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, if they wake up dead, there'll be a record."

--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

***