I hate feeling this way

I'm jealous, Ms J. Jealous of Scott. He's Meagan's stepfather. Scott is still married to Kelly, although they've been apart now more than two years. Scott lived with Kelly and my kids for ten years. Clearly, he loves those kids. But so do I, dammit. And I would like to have at least spoken to my daughter on her birthday. Meagan turned thirteen yesterday.

I called her in the afternoon when I thought she'd be home from school.

"She's not home yet, Dad," Dan told me. "Try calling around 4:30."

(He sounds alright, Dan does. He told me he's been clean for two months now.)

"OK, son. Please tell Meagan I called. I just wanted to wish her a happy birthday. Did she get the card I sent?"

He said he didn't know, but he'd tell his sister I called.

I tried calling two or three times between 4:30 and 5:00, but there was no answer. Then Rey arrived to take me for my Thursday swim. I phoned again later from Kirk's place and spoke with Kelly.

"Oh she's gone, Dale. Scott picked her up after school. She's spending the night at his place."

And the green monster reared its ugly head.

Scott is only guilty of caring for Meagan. How can that be a bad thing? Is it wrong that Scout has another adult to love her and honour her birthday? If I could only drive, I would have picked her up after school. But I had no car. I can't drive yet anyway. Soon maybe. But not yet. And I didn't make any arrangements with either Kelly or Meagan. That's the Truth. So why do I feel this way?

Scott has two daughters of his own. Erin and Terra are in their twenty's now. You'd think maybe the man might understand the value of father/daughter relationships. Maybe he feels he's doing a good thing by acting on my behalf while I'm incapacitated. I don't know.

All I know is that I love my little girl. I sent her a card which she later acknowledged in a telephone message. I only wanted to wish her a happy birthday. I guess it'll wait until tonight, the day after her birthday.

Kelly told me Meagan had invited two friends for a sleep-over tonight. My friend Frankie and I are going to a "spiritual gifts" workshop at the church this evening from 7:00 to 9:30. I'll phone Meagan again when I get home.

I don't know why I'm so worked up about this, Ms Journal. After all, it was her birthday, not mine. As I write this, I can hear my insecurities quite clearly.

June 19th is Father's Day. I plan to take my kids - both of them - and drive, yes DRIVE up to Mount Forest that day to visit my dad. That is my plan. For Father's Day. Scott might want to consider spending the day with his own kids. And leave Dan and Scout with me.

I'm sure Mum and Dad will be impressed with Meagan's navel piercing, a birthday gift from her mother.

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