Changing Times

"I've been checking your blog," said Colleen today. "You don't write as often as you used to."

She's right, Ms J. I don't. There was a time though, when I wrote here every day. Every single day. Remember? 2004. 2005. They were exciting times. Challenging times. Times worthy of note. Those were the days when I struggled with difficult issues, mostly involving my kids. There were a few anxious weeks of emotional torment when I was "dismissed" from my job. And who can forget the pain and stress caused by a leg and a son, both a part of me and both broken? There was the birth of my grandson, and the birth of a half-sister for Dan and Meagan. I was terribly disturbed then. I was confused about how I should deal with these trials, about how to accept things and how to proceed. I needed to write then in order to gain a sense of perspective. It was undeniably therapeutic.

"Maybe you needed someone to discuss these things with," Colleen suggested. "You probably needed to state your feelings and to get honest feedback from others."

Very perceptive, that woman. Very clever. She'll be a qualified school teacher soon, and the world will be a little richer for it.

"You've got me now, though. You can tell me your feelings. I'll give you feedback."

We talk, Colleen and I, a lot. We share a lot of feelings. Hey, I'm an emotional guy, Ms J. You know that. I have some pretty strong emotions sometimes and I need to release them. Colleen is an exceptional listener. She doesn't offer fixes, or judgement, or opinions. She just listens. When I get too "emotional", she begs me calm down. Sometimes, my language gets too colourful and sometimes I spew utter rubbish. Colleen helps me sort it all out. I hope I can do the same for her.

"I'm not suggesting you should stop blogging, Dale. Not at all. I know you love to write. And Lord knows you love an audience."

What does this mean then, Ms J? What am I saying? Am I suggesting I won't write to you anymore? Will this be the end of my musings and meanderings? Perhaps. One day, I may simply have had enough of this blogging business and click the PUBLISH POST button for the last time.

But not yet.

I still derive pleasure from sitting with a glass of wine and composing something that I think conveys my feelings at the time. Sometimes I feel hopeful and the post is a hopeful one. Sometimes though, I'm frightened, or angry, or disappointed and my post tells that story. On rare occasions, I've experienced a moment of enlightenment or epiphany. I've tried to share those moments as well.

Right now though, all is well. Reasonably well.

Dan is still with Sarah and still healthy although I don't hear from him often these days. I really must call the boy and reconnect. Soon.

Meagan is fine. Happy, I think. Looking forward to moving in with young Master RJ after school is finished in June.

Kelly is ... Well honestly, Ms J. Does anyone really care?

Things are still uncertain at work, but I continue to hope for a position at VIA.

I am very happy in my relationship with Colleen. I'll continue to discuss my feelings with her on a wide variety of topics, personal and otherwise.

And I won't forget about you, Ms Journal. I may not need to post here every day anymore .... but I promise to share some thoughts from time to time. And from time to time, Ms J, I'll require feedback.

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