A Little Child The Saviour Came

The baptismal hymn was "A Little Child The Saviour Came".

Reverend Linda baptised an infant this morning. A little girl. Her name is Rayna, and I'd put her age at no more than six weeks. Rayna's parents stood there at the altar with the godparents. They all looked uncomfortable. And they all looked proud. Linda held the wide-eyed but silent little girl and turned to face the congregation. She dipped her hand in the baptismal font and stroked the child's delicate head three times.

"I baptise you in the name of the Father, and of the Son and of The Holy Spirit."

The precious and adorable child remained passive and serene while her parents beamed. Grandparents in the front row exchanged approving smiles. And I was reduced to a mass of tears and mucous. Rayna's mum and dad have no idea of the joys and sorrows that lie ahead for them in their new role as parents. Their Lives will be forever changed.

Babies, Ms Journal. I fall asleep thinking of babies. And babies are first on my mind when I wake again in the morning. Dan's baby. My grandchild.

Today is the first Sunday in the season of Advent. It's the time when we Christians prepare ourselves for the celebration that marks the holiest day of the year - Christmas. The birth of Jesus Christ, God made flesh.

In her sermon, Linda spoke about the birth of Jesus and told us how His birth and His Life were, at the time, largely ignored. The world wasn't ready yet to receive the message of good news that He taught.

"Are we ready, today?" was her unspoken query. "Are you ready?"

Carolyn Baker was the lay reader this morning. She read from the Gospel of Mark. In it, Jesus cautions His disciples to be alert. Do the right thing. No one knows when Judgement Day will come.

Therefore, keep awake — for you do not know when the master of the house will come, in the evening, or at midnight, or at cockcrow, or at dawn, or else he may find you asleep when he comes suddenly. And what I say to you, I say to all: Keep awake.

I felt myself nodding my head sanctimoniously and adopting a grave expression as though I alone were ready to accept these Truths. And suddenly, a strange thought came to me.

What if Dan's baby is Jesus? We've been waiting 2000 years for Him to come again. What if Jesus comes to us as Maxine and Dan's baby? The first time round, He was born to an impoverished, uneducated carpenter and a teenage girl. He was born among farm animals in a barn. Can you imagine a more inauspicious beginning?

But this was ridiculous, Ms J. I shook my head to dispel these silly thoughts and tried to focus again on Linda's sermon. She was talking about God and how He resides in everyone and everything.

"You'll meet God in every face you see," she was saying. "Friends, neighbours, relatives, students, everyone."

I drew my breath in sharply and turned my face up to the wooden cross there behind the choir.

"... and in my son and his girlfriend," I thought. "And in their baby. The child WILL be Jesus!"

I shook my head at my stubbornness. Fat, salty tears fell silently on my sweater.

I can't, Lord. I can't accept the impending birth of this bastard child. Not yet.

My next thoughts came to me unbidden. Jumbled. Unexpected. I believe God wisely took advantage of my vulnerability right then to put those thoughts there.

"Impending" birth. The child is not born yet. Not til April. There's still time. Lots of time. Patience. Be gentle with yourself. You love your son. You will grow to love his son.

I was beginning to sob, Ms Journal. I wanted to flee the church and race home. But I didn't go. I stayed there and allowed my feelings to wash over me. I hoped my tears might cleanse my stubborn soul and open my heart, but it was not to be. Not yet, anyway.

I glanced surreptitiously at the people around me. They were all watching the preacher.

"Advent is a time for new beginnings," she was saying. "Make the most of your Life everyday because you never know what tomorrow will bring. And keep awake."

I kept my head bowed during the benediction and focused on my breathing to calm myself. I didn't stay long after the service, Ms J. I waved good-bye to Linda and escaped by the back door.

It's getting harder and harder to ignore Dan and Maxine.

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