Lunch With a Friend

My friend is on my mind again today, Ms J. M. He's still hurting, still reeling, but too angry yet to begin mourning the loss of his marriage, his wife, his home and identity. My east coast friends on Cape Breton Island call it "heartsick" and I think that's an apt description.

Poor old M is so disturbed, he's not thinking logically. He phoned here late Saturday evening when Meagan was here. He was drunk. Staggering, slobbering, drunk. He had just left a local pub and he said he was walking to the train station. It wasn't more than a five minute walk. I considered going to fetch him and letting him sleep it off here, but I didn't want him around Meagan in that condition.

I'm not implying that he might have harmed her in any way. I don't think that, no. But I just don't want Meagan to be exposed to such ... debauchery. She'll experience it soon enough on her own, Ms J, if she hasn't already by way of her mother's maladjusted man friends.

I later learned that M had taken the train to Oshawa (an hour away) and then tried to drive to his sister's house, which is where he's been living. On the way, he drove into a ditch and damaged his car. There were no injuries and thankfully, no one else was involved. However, the police have charged him with drinking and driving, a very serious offence. I think the penalty for a first offense is a one-year license suspension and a fine of $1000.

I know he hurts. I know it's a difficult time, Ms J. VERY difficult. But he's only making things worse for himself. Now is the time for him to be gentle with himself. It's important now to love himself, to forgive himself his transgressions. Of course, it's important to acknowledge the part he played in the failure of his relationship, but not to get stuck there in self blame and emotional flagellation.

He's lost a lot, Ms J, I know. His wife, his home, friends, family, his financial freedom, and now his car. If he continues his destructive behaviour, he'll lose his job and at worst, his Life.

What in the world can I tell this man to urge him to change his ways? What can I say to him that will matter to him, when at this point, NOTHING has any meaning for him?

I hope I can think of something. He'll be here for lunch in an hour.

Maybe there is wisdom to be gleaned here regarding yesterday's post about Self Love vs Selfishness.

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