More Life Lessons

Evening, Ms J. Sorry I didn't write yesterday, but it was a busy day. A busy, busy Father's Day. Do you know what Meagan gave me for Father's Day? She came with me to church! How proud I was to take my best girl into church and re-introduce her to my friends. She used to go with me when she was younger, but she says she doesn't believe in all that "God and stuff" anymore. That's fine, Ms J. Neither did I when I was her age. I didn't go to church for thirty years.

Anyway, Meagan endured the hour long service and later we spent the afternoon at a back yard barbecue/cast party. The play is all over now and I have a Life again. Halleluiah!

On the drive back to Norval, we chatted in the car. I asked about baby David.

"Does Mum still help Dan and Maxine care for the baby?"

"Not anymore," she said. "Mum only helped out for a few weeks. She hardly sees David now. But it's OK, Dad. Dan is being a really great father, and Maxine is a good mum. They look after David just fine."

I asked about the Children's Aid Society and do they still come round to check on Dan and Maxine. And David.

"Yeah, but not as often anymore. I think they're starting to trust Dan and Maxine more. But Mum uses that when she fights with Dan or Maxine, eh?"

I switched off the radio and glanced over at her.

"What do you mean, Scout?"

"Well she says 'All it would take is one phone call and you'd lose that baby. I could just make one call to Children's Aid, and they'd come and take David. You'd never see him again.'"

She put her canvas running shoe up on the dash and busied herself with her shoe lace.

"Can she do that, Dad?"

I shook my head.

"No. She can't. Not that easily. Does Daniel believe her?"

"I'm not sure. I don't think so, but he's scared. Maxine believes her, though. She'll believe anything you tell her."

I nodded my head to indicate I understood.

"You tell that boy he has nothing to fear as long as he cares for David. Nobody can take the baby away unless they're hurting him in some way."

"He's fine, Dad. He's absolutely fine. Dan and Maxine are doing really well. You saw David when you picked me up on Friday. He looks fine, right? He's gaining weight and everything. Do you know what I said to Mum the last time she threatened to call the Children's Aid?"

I shook my head.

"What?"

"I said 'Fine Mum. Go ahead. We'll call the Children's Aid and you'll lose Emily.'"

That was one of those times, Ms Journal, when I just didn't know what to say. All I could think of was how much safer and calmer Meagan would be if she lived with me. I told her again how much I'd love to have her.

But I could see it posed a dilemma for her. She must feel that no matter what she chooses, she'll disappoint one parent or the other. So she tried a sort of compromise.

"Would it be alright if I lived with you for a month or so this summer? August, maybe?"

"Honey," I said. "It will be alright with me no matter what you do. But I want the decision to be yours. You know you're welcome at my house. Always."

It's a crazy, crazy environment that Kelly provides. Meagan knows it's abnormal, Ms J. She knows it's dysfunctional. But she feels she's powerless to escape without displeasing someone. And that's my daughter's greatest gift and her worst character flaw.

She's a people pleaser.

How do we discern what's right for us? How can we reject other people's ways without rejecting them? Where do we draw the line between self Love and selfishness?

It's a very difficult lesson to learn, isn't it? Very difficult indeed.

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