Seven Days!

I can't believe it's been a week since I last posted here. My word, how time flies! "Time flies like an arrow," said Groucho Marx. "And fruit flies like a banana."

So I guess you're wondering what's been going on here in Mimico this past week, eh Ms J. Well, it's been fairly quiet to tell you the Truth.

Meagan is really a good girl. Really. She does whatever I ask of her. You know, like keeping the kitchen tidy and taking out the trash. She goes to school every day, rising at 7:00 and walking to the street car stop at the bottom of our street. She sits every evening at the dining room table and does her homework. She's a good girl.

However ...

You knew there'd be a however, didn't you?

However, ... she is still hopelessly in Love with young Master RJ and lives for Friday afternoon when she goes off to G-town to see him. I asked about him recently.

"So how's RJ doing, Scout? Is he working?"

"He's working on getting on welfare, Dad."

She spoke it with a sense of pride, as though welfare was a good thing. I nodded my head and tried not to react. Her brother's on welfare. And I suppose her mum's availed herself of various social assistance programmes over the years. Kids learn what they see, don't they, Ms J? I mean why work when someone else will pay your bills?

"Has he thought about going back to school?" I asked.

"School is the last thing he needs right now," she said.

I couldn't have disagreed more strongly, but I bit my lip instead and said nothing.

Last night, Meagan mentioned that RJ had found a house to rent with some friends.

"A house, Dad! For $275 a month. Isn't that great?"

Hmmm. $275 a month. Must be quite a palace.

"And he's going back to school, too. Did I tell you that? Tomorrow's his first day."

The words cautiously optimistic spring to mind.

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I sent Kelly an email last Friday declaring my desire to halt support payments.

Hi Kelly.

I spoke with a lady at the Family Responsibility Office this morning. She told me I'm not required to pay support for a child who lives with me and suggested I contact you regarding this matter. The lady informed me that stopping support requires only a letter from you stating Meagan no longer lives with you. It must also indicate the date when it becomes effective. This request must be done via Canada Post and cannot be e-mailed.

Could you please send me your current address and I'll mail you a copy of the letter I've written. I'll include an envelope, stamped and addressed. You have only to sign it and mail it.

Thanks, Kelly. The letter I've drafted makes the order effective March 15th. I thought maybe you could use a couple of extra payments.

Dale

At first, she was angry and told Meagan to tell me she wouldn't sign it. A few days later, she relented and sent me her address. She understands she has no choice in the matter. A letter from her agreeing to stop receipt of payments is the simplest way to do it. She also expressed some concerns about Meagan.

"This plan for Meg to move in with RJ at age 16 is ridiculous....RJ himself told me he wouldn't do this!! ... I find it disturbing that Meg is willing to move out with the plan of being on welfare(if need be), when she has two loving parents. ...I'm against this completely ...
I guess you are feeling rather used at this point... I would resent being a 5 month stopping post...till she turns 16....then the hell with what Mom and Dad say...
I'm very concerned about Meg's future and pray that you can wake her up before June 2."

I agree with Kelly. I'm concerned too, Ms Journal. Meagan will turn sixteen on June 2nd.

I understand your concern, Kelly. I'm not thrilled about her plan either, but we really have no choice in the matter. At 16, she is legally able to decide where she wants to live, and with whom. I hope she'll change her mind before June arrives, but at the moment, it looks unlikely. Sometimes, all you can do is let go and hope for the best. She's a clever girl. She'll figure things out eventually.

Thank you for agreeing to sign my letter. I've mailed it off today. Please put it in the envelope provided and mail it promptly.

D.

As usual, I'm confused and uncertain about the correct way to proceed. As I see it, there are two choices:

I can order a halt to her relationship with this boy and make it difficult (or impossible) for her to see him. Or, I can stay the course, love her, and hope she'll discover a greater sense of self worth on her own. I'm trying to put my faith in God and in my daughter, and leaning toward option number 2.

I have not discussed my feelings with her. Yet.

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