A Humble Apology
Sorry, Ms J. I guess I sound like a spiteful misogynist, but I hurt to see others hurt. And lately, it seems we men are hurting while the women appear to shrug and simply walk away. I've spoken with some of my female friends, and they all agree that there's usually a whole lot of "processing" in a woman's mind before she finally decides to end a relationship. A lot. Usually.
With each of my friends, the same issue kept coming up: Men don't listen. Apparently, women give us hundreds of clues that something is wrong, but we either can't or won't hear them.
What's wrong, then? Why don't we listen? Is there ANY way a woman can make her pleas heard?
I'll be honest, Ms J. In almost every case, when the woman walks away, the man is left stunned and reeling. We really and truly have no idea there's trouble brewing until we're on the sidewalk with our clothes piled round us. And even then we turn our palms up and ask what happened.
I tell you truly, Ms Journal. It happened to me not once but twice. It's happened to Nick and to Allan and Angry Bob and Jeff and Andrei and Rob. The list continues to grow. Marriage corpses are piling up like the ghastly remains of a Gulag labour camp. I've seen enough frantic, weeping men to last a lifetime.
Guys: For the Love of God, PLEASE LISTEN!
Ladies: Surely to goodness there MUST be some way to get your point across. Kick our balls if you must. It hurts much less than a broken heart, and the pain doesn't last as long. Shake us, physically. Scream. Talk to our families and friends. You know what? Kick us the hell out, but do it earlier. Do it before there's no hope of mending the relationship.
This horrible fate shall never befall me again. This is my solemn vow. I will be alone forever before I allow this to happen again. If ever I give my heart to another woman, I will listen to her. And I will make her promise to throw me out if I refuse to acknowledge her feelings.
Enough misery, already. Let's make Love.
***
Mused by Dale @ 8:49 pm
At 27 September 2006 at 23:49, 
Anvilcloud said...
At 28 September 2006 at 01:09, Michelle said...
At 28 September 2006 at 04:56, Donna said...
At 28 September 2006 at 07:34, PBS said...
At 28 September 2006 at 11:31, 
said...
At 28 September 2006 at 13:19, Heather Plett said...
At 28 September 2006 at 15:45, Heather Plett said...
At 28 September 2006 at 18:35, gemmak said...
At 29 September 2006 at 01:51, Zette said...
At 2 October 2006 at 16:24, Loner said...
10 Comments:
I like your declaration at the end. Just don't let fear stand in the way of happiness though. I don't think you would, but some get stuck in the muck of fear.
I'd like to think women would boot a man out earlier but i don't think it will ever happen.
I think women think plan it all out because they need to know they have a place to go, to be organised. They also stay in that relationship because kids are involved.....leaving or booting the partner out is really the straw that breaks the camels back, you know when this happens the woman is at her wits end, she's tried everything, and nothing has worked.
"Enough misery, already. Let's make Love."
Is that an open invitation? All of us? lol
It's that "Men are from Mars, women from Venus" thing isn't it? We think we say one thing, you think you hear another (or hear nothing!!)
It's definitely something we all have to work on. I was guilty of not making my first husband hear what I thought I was saying. I don't make that mistake with Andy!! I tell him and tell him again. You would think that by second time around we'd all be better at it, but it sounds like that isn't the case.
It would be a grave loss to womankind if you didn't find love again Dale.
Yes, we all need to listen to each other. People (myself included) often are "too busy" or whatever to actually take the time to listen to someone else.
Listening includes WATCHING, because don't they say that 80-90% of communication is in body language? I think (at least in my experience) that's where many men fall down. They don't LOOK at who they're listening and talking to for body language clues.
If women would just stop playing mind games and tell us directly what they want or "mean to say " then we would all be better off. Get to the point... this is why women have difficulty understanding that there is a huge difference between sex and love. Having sex with someone does not necessarily mean that you love them.
Sounds like good therapy for you, Dale! Here's hoping you get it right next time, 'cause I would definitely say you're a good "listener" in the blog world.
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Nice post Dale and again I'm with Donna, if you didn't find love again it would be a great loss to womankind.
This continues to happen all around me and so your post hit home HARD, today especially. No, it's not me, thank goodness, but I see it also and I'm truly at a loss for words.
So.... make love, huh? What an exciting thought!
When I got left - and struggled to raise kids alone, I turned to Dr. James Dobson. I learned more from him than I ever thougth possible. Using a story or a familiar image always helps. Like when I described how the boys were feeling after the divorce like an atom bomb had ogne off - and there was a big gaping wound in their chest that they could feel, but that others couldn't see. The boys got that. Choose a woman who is committed to communication and not only to meeting her own needs.
Oh yea - and I vote, too - that I would love to see the day that love knocks on your door again, my friend.
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