At the Rodeo

I went to Meagan's little rodeo this morning. T'weren't much, really. Meagan didn't even ride. (I wonder if her "little problem" made her choose not to ride.) The rodeo lasted about an hour and a half. We watched the counselors barrel race and some of the young campers tried roping a goat. Goat roping looks like calf roping, but it's a lot slower. And more boring. Quite honestly, Ms J, the rodeo was crap.

Kelly was there of course. She's Meagan's mum, after all. Scott was there. He's Meagan's stepfather. Or something. And Tim was there. Tim is the father of baby Emily, Meagan's half-sister. Bob was there, too. Daniel did not attend. (I'll come back to Dan in a moment.) Bob is Kelly's new boyfriend. Or something. He looked a little uncomfortable in the company of three of Kelly's ex-lovers. Perhaps he was the only one of us who was normal. Kelly presided over the day as though she were Cleopatra - Queen of Denial.

At first I found myself judging her, criticizing her. Condemning her. But when I tried to find some common ground, I came up with this:

We're both scared. Kelly's afraid to be without a relationship; I'm afraid to be in one. Kelly is convinced she cannot survive without a man, and I'd rather spend the rest of my Life alone, than suffer another heartbreak like when Donna said good-bye. I hate to say it, but it could be we're more alike than either of us would care to admit. At least in terms of relationships.

I'm still the father to Dan and Meagan. Kelly is still the martyr.

She spread a wool blanket on the grass by the corral and I sat beside her. Her harem of men wandered off to talk amongst themselves. Comparing notes, no doubt.

"Where's Dan?" I asked getting comfortable.

She looked around her on the grass and reached for her purse. It was just beyond her grasp.

"Hand me my purse will you, Tim?"

"Do I look like Tim, Kelly?"

"Oh god. Sorry, Sc... Shit. I mean Dale. DALE."

We laughed at her confusion. So many men. Shared laughter often brings people together, Ms J, and in that moment, I felt close to Kelly. It was strange. I wanted to touch her, but I didn't. I handed her the purse and watched her as she found her cigarettes, took one out and lit it. I wanted a smoke suddenly, but I waited while the craving passed. They always pass, Ms J. I quit smoking in November of 2000.

She inhaled deeply. Exhaled loudly.

"Sorry. Where were we?"

"Daniel. Where is he? I spoke with him yesterday and he told me he'd be here."

Kelly stared straight ahead for a second while she gathered her thoughts.

"Dan's in shit again, Dale. I threw him out last week. He was gone for three days."

"Why, Kel'?" I asked. "What happened?"

"Long story."

"I've got all day, Kelly."

"Well, a lot of things, but basically he called me a c***."

"So you kicked him out. I don't blame you. What about Maxine? Is she still with you?"

Maxine is Dan's girlfriend. They've been sharing a bed under Kelly's roof for four months.

"No. I kicked her out a while ago. She eats and eats and never lifts a finger to help around the house. You have to stand behind her and tell her every little thing that needs doing."

I'm not surprised, Ms J. I met the girl only once, and she did seem a bit thick.

"Is she alright, Kelly? Maxine, I mean. She doesn't seem very bright."

I looked at my ex-wife. She was puffing desperately on her cigarette now.

"Very bright? Dale, she's retarded. Literally. She has a learning disability. She gets a disability pension from the government."

My heart felt suddenly heavy. It was Kelly who got the two together in the first place.

"Don't you think our son deserves better than that, Kelly?" I asked gently.

I don't recall her answer now, but it wasn't particularly satisfying. I decided to drop it and move on.

"Where's Maxine now?"

"Back with her mum in Guelph, I guess. I don't know. I don't care."

"And Dan?"

"Home. Alone."

I sensed there was more she wanted to say. So I sat there staring at her. Kelly's face was turned toward the corral where kids on horseback were galloping around the ring, carrying Maple Leaf flags. The small crowd offered polite applause. The midday sun was baking me. Finally, she spoke.

"We have to go to court next week."

"Who?"

"Dan. He got arrested a while ago. Again. I forgot to tell you."

My response was sarcastic.

"Yeah. Must have slipped your mind I guess."

"I didn't tell you because you would have freaked out."

"You don't know that, Kelly. And by keeping it from me, you denied me any response at all. Why was he arrested?"

"Remember the time last spring when he had a knife and he forced us all out of the house and locked us out?"

"Yeah. But I thought that was all over now."

"Well, apparently, when the cops came, he was resisting arrest. He must have cut one of the cops with his knife. He's charged now with weapons offenses, and assaulting an officer."

I had almost hoped Kelly would ask for money for a lawyer. I was looking forward to telling her no. She said they've got a legal aid lawyer, a poor man's defense.

Maybe my boy will go to jail. He'll regret it if he does. He's eighteen. He'll definitely have a criminal record. He'll come to regret that too, when - IF - he ever tries to get a job.

You know what, Ms Journal? I'm sick of Dan and all his bullshit. I tried to help him. His mother has tried to help him. Even Kelly's boyfriends have taken turns talking to the boy. I love him. I will always love him. But I wash my hands of the whole affair. It's time Daniel started taking responsibility for his impetuous and ill-considered acts. It's time he felt the sting of consequences.

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Church tomorrow. I'm doing the sermon. We'll pray for Daniel, like we always do. It hasn't helped much so far, but it doesn't cost anything. I reckon you get what you pay for.

Watch this space, Ms J. I'll post my sermon tomorrow morning. You can read it while I say it in church.

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