It Doesn't Take Much

Little things still seem to rattle Dan. Tim (his mother's current boyfriend) promised Dan he'd come and collect him after work Friday night and take him to Acton for the weekend. He'd been looking forward to it.

So when Dan finished work at 9:00 pm, he stood outside in the cold waiting for Tim to arrive. He waited half an hour, then walked home alone. I wasn't home to meet him, as I'd gone to see some of my friends in a play that evening. When I finally came home, Dan was still here and VERY agitated. It was 11:00.

"Have you tried calling Mum?" I asked him.

"I've tried calling about fifty times. The phone is always busy. Mum's on the internet, as usual. She's probably on line with one of her boyfriends. She's always on the internet, Dad. That's all she does all day. She's addicted to the internet. I just wanted to visit them and see Meagan and Emily. I asked for Saturday off work so I could go and Tim ... Stupid Tim. He's such an asshole!"

The Boy was ranting, Ms J. I noticed then that there was a message waiting on the phone. The little red light was flashing.

"There's a message here, Dan."

"Yeah Dad. I know. But I don't know your pass code. Maybe it's a message from mum."

I gave him the code and he listened to the message. It was Tim.

"Hi Dan. It's Tim. I can't get the hood closed on my car."

There was more probably, but Dan deleted it before I could hear it.

It was nearly 11:30 and I was so tired. It had been a long, long day. I had been going since 4:00 am. I picked up the phone and tried again to call Kelly. She was still on the internet.

"OK, boy. Let's take you to Acton."

Dan complained about his mother and her addictive ways all the way to Acton. At home there, the dogs were barking and going berserk when we entered. Meagan was upset to see us and she was trying desperately to contact Tim on his cell phone. Dan was screaming at the dogs to shut up.
"Daniel," Meagan said firmly. "I'm trying to call Tim. He's already left to go to Toronto to get you. Stop screaming at the dogs."

Dan was upset and Meagan was making it worse.

"C'mon Dad. Let's go back to your place. I can't stand this craziness."

Kelly called to him from the basement, where she was trying to put Emily to bed.

"Daniel?!!"

He appeared even more disturbed, but he stopped his ranting and ran to the stairs.

"Yeah, Mum?"

"Come down here please."

And he descended the cellar stairs.

Meagan was not able to contact Tim and she was getting more and more frustrated.

"Scout?"

She didn't even look at me.

"I'm trying to get hold of Tim, Dad. It just rings once, then goes to his voice mail. Why won't he answer the stupid phone?"

I looked at my daughter, Ms J, and saw myself. Frustrated. Agitated. Unable to control things and getting angry about it. I took a good, long look. Yes. That's me alright.

"C'mere Scout," I said gently. "C'mere and give your dear old dad a hug."

She put the phone down and crossed the room to where I was standing by the door. She put her arms around me and laid her cheek on my chest. Then she began to sob quietly.

"Tim is driving all the way to your house for nothing, Dad. He'll be upset. And now Dan is home and he's probably downstairs freaking out on Mum."

She was worrying about others. Her concern was for Tim and for her mother. Isn't Meagan a beautiful child? I held her to me and stroked her blond hair. It felt so smooth and soft. I kissed the top of her head and inhaled the fruity fragrance of her shampoo.

"We can't do anything to change it, Scout," I said softly. "It sounds quiet downstairs. And Tim will be fine. Don't worry. It's just a bit of a mix-up, that's all."

Poor Meagan. She's been so neglected lately. And she's twelve. That's a tough time for girls, I think. We spoke no more, but stood, locked in a silent embrace for perhaps five minutes. It seemed an eternity. A Life time. Our intimacy was interrupted by the sound of footsteps on the stairs.

Mother and son emerged from the basement, both smiling. The Boy was holding the baby. All was well. For now.

I took Meagan's face in my hands and gently kissed her forehead. I whispered in her ear.

"I love you, Scout."

"I love you too, Dad."

"I'll see you next weekend, OK?"

"OK, Dad."

Then I turned to face Dan.

"And you," I began with mock sternness. "You behave yourself this weekend, you hear me?"

"I will, Dad."

I stared into his blue eyes for a moment to make certain he understood what I meant. I'm not sure what I saw. Defiance, maybe. I don't know. He has no money and nothing left to sell so he can't buy drugs. But I know Kelly will give him pot if he asks for it. And I'm sure he knows where she hides it. There was nothing more to say. Nothing more I could do to affect Dan's time in Acton. I turned and opened the door and stepped into the cheerful glow of outdoor Christmas lights.

"I love you to the moon and back, Daddy."

"I love you to the moon and back too, Scout."

"I love you too, Dad. And I always will."

"I will always love you too, Dan."

Trust. That's all I can do, Ms J. Just trust in my boy. And in my God.