Not Everyone Is Pleased

You can't please everyone, can you? Dan is looking forward to his new job. I'm glad and proud that he's suddenly doing so well. But The Boy's mother is not so happy.

Kelly had hoped that Dan would find work in Acton. That way, he could live with her and pay rent. She and Tim are suffering some financial hardship right now because Tim was laid off and will remain so throughout the winter. He works (worked) for a company that installs lawn sprinkler systems. Soon the ground will be frozen and nearly impenetrable.

Dan told me Tim is irresponsible with money. He has credit card debts he cannot pay. Kelly and Tim argue frequently about Tim's reckless spending habits. Dan says collection agencies phone there daily to inquire about Tim's whereabouts and to ask when they might expect a payment. Every so often, Meagan mentions that they may have to move again. She says she doesn't want to move.

"All my friends are here, Dad. I don't know why Mum and Tim want to move."

I know why. But I keep my thoughts to myself.

You see Ms J, Kelly is getting the dirty end of the stick while I've made out like a bandit. I no longer pay child support for Dan. That's about $300 a month I get to keep. Dan will pay me rent. So that's another $300 a month. Meanwhile, Kelly receives no support, either for Dan or from him. I still pay support for Scout.

Seems to me, poor old Tim ought to go out and find himself a job somewhere. And the pair of them might want to consider living a little more frugally. Lord knows, they really haven't much in the way of "nice" things. Should I help Kelly financially? I honestly can't afford to right now.

See that, Ms J? That's what emotional neediness gets you. That's the reward for Kelly's hungry heart. And Tim's, I suppose. A Life of misery and torment. Fighting and fearing the worst. Fending off collection agencies. Wringing the hands and wishing things were different.

"Mum and Tim aren't really a couple anymore, Dad," said Dan last night in the car. "They live together but they're just friends. Good friends, Mum says."

Lovely. Kelly lives with her jobless "friend" and his ten-month-old child. She must be so unhappy.

"Mum always asks me to look after Emily, Dad," Meagan said on the phone yesterday. "Mum stays in bed til noon if she can. I don't want to watch the baby. It's not my job, Dad. It's Mum's baby. She should look after her."

"Why does Mum sleep so late, Scout?"

"Well, she always goes out after supper. She goes to her friend's house and she doesn't come home til, like, 2 or 3 in the morning."

They say history repeats itself, Ms Journal. Kelly behaved the same way when I was married to her. I was a mean, selfish prick and Kelly went looking for someone who'd respect her and fulfill her need for Love.

I wouldn't care about Kelly at all, but my little girl is affected by this. What kind of example is Kelly showing her? And why can't Meagan be allowed a childhood free of worry and adult responsibility?

I won't speak to Kelly about my feelings. It's pointless. She'd get defensive and then she'd attack me and resurrect peccadilloes from the distant past. When that didn't work, she'd attack my family and criticize my choice of friends. Finally, she'd resort to accusing me of being a lousy father. Eventually, she'd hit the right button and I'd explode in a rage of violent language, using words like weapons aimed at the most sensitive areas of the heart.

Been there, Ms J. Done that. About a zillion bloody times. I'm NOT doing it again. We BOTH lose. And the kids suffer as well.

The Universe is unfolding as it should. Kelly will learn and grow, or she won't. The kids will one day see her for what she is. Or not.

I resolve to continue being the best Dad I can be and hope and pray Dan and Meagan follow my example, not their mother's. God help her.

Yes. Let that be my prayer at bedtime. God, help her. Amen.

Night, Ms J.