Dale's Advice for the Lovelorn

I was alone here on Saturday. Slept late. 8:00 am. Spent the day doing housework. It was very difficult to get motivated in that direction, but after I got started, I didn't want to stop. The place looks fabulous again. I'm afraid I really let things go when Dan was here. I'm not sure why, exactly. It just seemed too difficult to dust and vacuum around him. Remember, I'm used to cleaning an empty house. A cop-out, Ms. J? Probably, but it's all I can tell you.

Christine phoned me on Saturday afternoon. Christine is my friend. Christine is completely adorable. I wish she and I ...

Christine is my friend. I invited her round for supper.

She's feeling a bit blue because she's lonely. I'm lonely too. We're all lonely sometimes, aren't we, Ms J? She hasn't yet found Mr. Right. And she longs to have children. I offered her my son, but wisely she declined.

We had just finished our meal, (boiled potatoes and barbecued chicken - Christine brought a lovely tomato salad.) when Leigh Ann popped over. Leigh Ann is another friend. We served Leigh Ann as well, then the three of us sat and chatted over tea.

We talked about rebellious teens and we talked about men and women and relationships. Leigh Ann has yet to find her soulmate, and she too, wants to start a family. Both women are in their mid 30's. They're both educated, intelligent, attractive, funny. And they both expend masses of mental energy thinking about finding a man and having babies. For both women, the sound of their own biological clocks is deafening.

I think I'm a pretty compassionate guy. I do care for my friends and of course I want them to be happy. But it just seems to me that they've both decided that if they don't have children, they cannot fulfill their Life's destiny. Their need to bear children seems almost beyond their control. The idea of living out their Lives without personally experiencing childbirth is something my friends refuse to even consider. I suppose for some women, the need to reproduce is so deeply embedded in ancient DNA, that they're literally not able to consider Life without children.

When the days shorten and the west wind arrives crisp and fresh, a harbinger of colder weather, the geese gather in ponds and fields and prepare to set out on their annual migration southward to warmer climes. They don't know why they're doing it. I don't suppose there's much discussion among them. They simply lift themselves into the air and fly. Nature has pre-programmed them to do so. They have no choice.

Could it be that some women have no choice, and for the same reason?

I listened to Christine and Leigh Ann last night. I took part in the discussion. I've suggested to them before that perhaps Life without children could actually be possible. But they are not open to that possibility.

I have children. I've been married twice. I've had a married Life with children and later, a married Life without. I've had it all, haven't I? My friends have had none of it. So my advice doesn't carry much weight.

Experience has shown me that I am often held prisoner by my desires and aversions. They hold me back from personal and spiritual growth. They limit me. Hobble me. I'm aware of this, but still I often pursue my desires and flee my aversions. I'm no better than anyone else. I don't yet have Life figured out.

On the wall by my stairs hangs a framed statement:

There has been an alarming increase in the number of things I know nothing about.