Attendant l'Amour -- Waiting For Love

Christine was here for dinner tonight. She's a friend I've known about seven years I guess. I first met her in a play we did together. At the time, my marriage to Donna had just ended and I was quite attracted to Christine. Since then, we've become close friends. Although we never dated, I must admit that I love her. I love her as a friend, Ms J, as a sister. Not a romantic Love. Believe me when I tell you it's better that way. Anyway, she was here and we had some salad and hamburgers. We dined al fresco on my lovely new deck and she told me about her latest heartbreak and her new boyfriend.

"I've seen him a couple of times," she said. "But honestly, I don't think there's much chemistry there. How 'bout you, Dale? Are you seeing anyone?"

I had taken a great gulp of wine and I hurried to swallow it.

"No. You know me, Steenie. I may never date again."

"Why not?" she asked. "You love to flirt. Why don't you ask for a phone number sometime?"

I told her I was scared.

"Of what?"

"I dunno," I said and took another sip from my glass.

"Scared she'd say no?"

"Yeah. And scared she'd say yes."

My Life is pretty good at the moment, Ms J. I mean I've got my house and my job and my friends and my kids and ... Well, it's fairly good. You know? Uncomplicated. I don't have to answer to anybody. I can be as tidy or as messy as I like. I come and go as I please. Wear what I want. Eat when I'm hungry. Sleep when I'm tired. A woman would make demands.

"Why didn't you call me?"

"Aren't we going to my mother's house this weekend?"

"We should replace that old chair."

"Go wash your feet and put on clean socks."

I just don't need the bullshit, Ms J. I don't need it. And I told Christine that.

"But don't you get lonely?" she asked. "Don't you worry about growing old alone?"

The Truth, Ms Journal, is that I do. I do get lonely sometimes. I suppose that's why I invited Christine here tonight. It's nice to have someone to eat with. Let's face it. Eating is a communal thing, isn't it? Most of us don't enjoy eating alone. It's nice to have someone to share thoughts and ideas with over a good meal. Even better if it's an attractive woman.

I'm a little envious of my friend. She has yet to find happiness in a relationship, but she continues to search. She's been to a dating service. And she's registered with internet dating sites like LavaLife. She puts herself out there. And she's met a lot of men. One day, she'll meet the right one.

And me? I just sit and wait for Love to find me. I'll be alright if it doesn't, of course. I know I'll be fine. But sometimes, just sometimes, I think it might be nice to have someone to come home to. A person. A woman. A woman who loves me.

Ya know?

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