Getting in the Mood

I have lots of writing to do today. Lots. Too much. And I don't feel particularly inspired in that direction. I'm thinking maybe if I start here, Ms J, and tell you about my weekend and my son ... Well, maybe I'll get my brain in gear so I can write some scenes for our play. We meet again tomorrow evening and I have nothing new to offer the group. I have lots to tell you, though. This should warm up my typing finger!

---

I drove to Georgetown on Saturday morning to pick up my brother. We had planned to visit our sister before her surgery. The road to Georgetown takes me right past Kelly's house, so I left myself a little extra time and stopped there for a few minutes. Some of the women with whom I sit on the afternoon train to Oakville had given me a gift package for the baby. It contained a knitted blanket and a plush teddy bear. Dan was pleased.

While he was examining the blanket, Kelly took me aside.

"Can you talk to him, please? He's really frustrated right now. I keep telling him not to worry, that they won't take the baby away as long as it's being properly cared for, but he's really scared, Dale. He had a total meltdown last night. He really wanted to smoke a joint to calm his nerves, but the CAS told him they can order a drug test at any time. Poor guy, eh?"

I looked at Kelly and I finally understood what was going on there. I saw the ugly brown circles around her eyes. I saw her disheveled appearance. Her sloppy demeanor. Her newly pierced nose. She's worn out, Ms Journal. Used up. She's trying to be young and cool, but she's not. She's old. Older than her age. And the only way she knows how to feel valuable, is to hold on to her children.

As a mother with dependent children, she feels her Life has value. That's why she had Emily two years ago. That's why she's so happy to be a grandma. And that's why she's not making the slightest effort to encourage Dan toward his own independence. She needs to be needed, and she needs to have her good deeds continually acknowledged.

Kelly looked down at the helpless infant in her arms and rocked him gently. Protectively.


Seven days old. Adorable, isn't he?

"We had quite a scare yesterday, eh? The baby vomited and I had to suction him right away. He nearly died, eh?"

I nodded my head and said nothing. The woman disgusts me, Ms J. She is completely pathetic, always fishing for compliments, always looking for praise. She will do her best to keep Dan and Maxine believing that they are incapable of caring for Baby David. She'll keep them frightened with vague threats of losing the baby to the Children's Aid Society. She'll flaunt her knowledge and experience to the kids and abuse her authority. By whatever means necessary, she'll act to foster their continued dependence.

"The Children's Aid gave me "guardian" status. The kids can't take the baby anywhere unless I go with them. We even had to buy some bottles and formula, eh?"

I brought my eyebrows together.

"But I thought Maxine was nursing the baby. Why use a bottle?"

"We have to have a bottle in case I have to feed the baby myself. I'm trying to get Maxine to express some milk, though. That way, we can save on the formula. It's expensive, eh?"

I turned to face my son who was nodding his concurrence.

"Yeah, it's really expensive, Dad. But Maxine's breastfeeding as much as possible."

He puts on a brave face, my son does, but behind his blue eyes, I could sense fear. Dan is terrified. He desperately wants to play the role of father/husband but he can't right now. He doesn't know how. He doesn't know what to do to make things right. He's extremely disappointed that this Life is not what he imagined it would be.


The child is fine. It's his father I'm concerned about.

I promised Dan I'd return this week and take him out for lunch. Just the two of us. I don't know what to tell my son, Ms J. I guess I'll remind him again that he's a good daddy. I'll offer positive thoughts and affirmations. I'll ask for his patience while he's under the scrutiny of the CAS and remind him it's only temporary.

There's not much can be done at the moment, I'm afraid, to improve things for Dan. However, as soon as I feel confident in Maxine's ability to care for her child, and when Dan has sufficient income to carry the rent, I will provide the means for them to have their own apartment. I believe my son's salvation lies in escaping the clutches of his maladjusted mother.

And the sooner, the better.

***