Great Expectations, and a Stinky Pillow.

I drove to Norval today, Ms J, at noon to collect Dan and Maxine. NOR-val. The accent is on the first syllable. The three of us went to a restaurant for lunch. As I looked at my son across the table, I thought, "My God, Boy! Why don't you cut your hair and trim your beard?" I didn't say it of course. But I thought it. He looks like a bum, this son of mine. But he is my son, and I love him, long hair or not. Maxine looked nice in a maternity top and beige slacks. We all enjoyed our meal and some light-hearted conversation.

Maxine experienced some false labour a few days ago. She was at the hospital briefly, but they sent her home. Dan was home alone.

"I was really freakin' out, Dad."

I nodded my head and smiled.

"I'll bet you were, Dan. I would have been worried too."

Maxine said it didn't hurt too much.

"It was just like an ache in my back. Then it kinda moved around to my side. Kelly was there though, so I wasn't too scared."

They already know the sex of the child, Ms J. I guess there are no surprises anymore. I asked Dan if he was hoping for a boy.

"Yeah, Dad. It is a boy. We knew that a long time ago. You could tell from the ultrasound. I'm going to have a son."

His smile was luminous and his blue eyes sparkled. My heart filled to see Dan excited that way.

Maxine's due in early April. April 1st would be quite apt, don't you think? Maxine will turn 18 on April 23. Emily, Dan's half-sister, turned two last week.

Ahem .. er, yes.

I dropped the two teens off at home after lunch and returned home myself. It was good to see my boy. I hadn't seen him since he was here at Christmas. As he turned to ascend the wooden steps to his mother's home, I called to him.

"Hey Dan?"

He turned back still holding Maxine's hand.

"Yeah Dad?"

"Tell Meagan I love her, will you? Tell her I miss her."

"OK, Dad. I'll tell her. See you later, eh? And thanks a lot for lunch."

So that was it, then. I hopped back in the car and came home to ---
What, Ms J? What pillow? Oh that pillow. Yeah. The stinky pillow. Ah yes. I forgot about that. I'll bet you were wondering how that might fit into this story. Well, it doesn't, actually. It's rather unrelated, really. But it's interesting, or at least a bit humourous. Here's the stinky pillow story:

I was following Winston Churchill Blvd. back to Highway 401 when I spotted a large pillow on the side of the road. It looked clean so I stopped to get it. There was traffic behind me so I quickly jumped out of the car, threw the pillow on the floor in the front seat, and continued on my merry way. It was a lovely pillow. It had a pillow case and everything. The pillow case was a bit muddy from the road but ...

What was that smell? I wrinkled my nose. A skunk? Was there some dead and decaying animal nearby? Whew! It was really a nasty odour. Cautiously, I sniffed the air again. It smelled like a wet, dirty dog. And urine. Cat urine, maybe. Was it coming from the ...?

I reached down and grabbed the pillow and drew it toward me. I was nearly at the entrance to the highway. I pulled the puffy suspect across my chest, brought it to my face and put my nose in it. I took a big sniff and immediately, I began to gag. ACK! My stomach was convulsing, Ms Journal. ACK! ACKKKK! The smell! It was enough to turn a dog from a gut wagon, as Dad would say. (Dad has some pretty cool expressions.)

I opened the window on the passenger's side just as I started onto the big curving ramp that led to the 401. I checked my rearview mirror and luckily no one was following me. It was all I could do to send that demon pillow out the window again and return it to the roadside. I very nearly lost my lunch and it would have been a damn shame, really. I'd had Atlantic salmon and basmati rice. I knew it would not have been quite as delectable the second time.

I drove home in a snow storm with the windows wide open. The smell is still in the car tonight, eight hours later. And I may have to burn my sweater.

No wonder that pillow was left on the road. Lesson learned, Ms J. If it's on the roadside, leave it there!

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