Sonshine. Just a glimmer.

Things are improving, Ms Journal. Slowly. Incrementally. But noticably. It's getting better. Dan rises at 10:00 or so and takes his morning pills. He makes a cup of tea and goes out to the shed for a smoke. I hate that he smokes, but I know there are addictions more pernicious than tobacco. I REALLY hate buying cigarettes for him. But I have, and will continue for a while.

Yes, Dan looks for things to do around the house. He asks me to set tasks for him. He has asked for an "allowance" and I've agreed. $20. per week. But he'll have to earn it. Yesterday, he vacuumed the cellar and the stairs. He dusted the bookshelves and made a delicious turkey soup for dinner. On Monday, he cleaned the bathroom. He does his own laundry. Changes the sheets on his bed when Tara covers them with cat hair. (Ugh!!)

My son seems calmer. More content. I'm so pleased. But I'm quite sure that more troubles lie ahead. He's not "fine" just yet. So we continue our quest for further diagnosis and effective treatment. We have an appointment to see a social worker/counsellor on January 12. Dan also has an appointment at a place called BREAKAWAY. It's an assessment facility. They'll examine Dan and assess his needs. If it's discovered that he'd benefit from a drug rehab programme, they'll offer a referral. Maybe they'll find he needs psycho-therapy. They'll arrange that then. BREAKAWAY also offers group counselling, parent counselling and even a parent support group. It sounds like an excellent place to start.

I look for things to do together. We sometimes work together to prepare a meal. We plan to see a movie this week. Perhaps we'll go out one evening and shoot some pool. He needs to know that I enjoy spending time with him. I went out to the shed recently to put something away and found a note he'd scrawled in the dust of an old mirror there, near where he sits to smoke.

"I love Dan."

I lingered there a long time and smiled a teary smile.

I've been blessed with friends and family who have been incredibly caring and supportive. I'm so grateful for that. It's the absolute right thing to do, to reach out and ask for help. I've written here before about asking for help. I'm learning how important it really is. Help comes in myriad shapes and forms. A phone call or email asking how things are going. Some advice offered in a gentle and non-judgemental way. Or prayers, perhaps. Healing and nurturing thoughts like Jenn's "white Light", which, like prayer, can span oceans and continents and knows no bounds. A sympathetic ear and a hot cup of tea. And hugs. Lots of hugs. Those are my favourite, Ms J.

A friend called me yesterday. He thanked me for sharing my troubles with him.

"It really put things into perspective for me," he said. "My problems disappeared and now I actually feel grateful that I have such a fantastic relationship with my ex."

Ripples, Ms J. You just never know how far they'll spread.

That's about it for today, then. The Boy will be awake soon, so I'd better hide the modem away. I think the internet, or rather the lack of it, has been a great help to Dan as well. MSN messenger et al were an outlet for him to live in his fantasy world of whirlwind romance. I can't say it's imposssible to find romance on the internet. I know it happens. But I think it's prudent to be a bit wary of something called "The Net" or "The Web." It can capture more than one's attention.

Thanks everyone, for popping by. It means a lot to know someone's reading this. And to know they care. Bless you all.

Live. Love. Laugh.
Dale