Does anyone care ...?

Besides me, of course. I'm referring here to this blog, this journally sort of thing about which I spend an inordinate amount of time worrying. Well, not worrying per se (Did I actually use the term "per se"?), but thinking and pondering and wondering.

Does anyone really care about my Life? About my thoughts and deeds? I find it quite fascinating, but I suspect only because it's my Life. I wouldn't be very content, I don't think, if I perceived my own Life as boring. But what leads me to believe that others might not find it so? Why do I think others might be interested?

"Who is this guy?" Maybe that's your question, and a darn good one at that. I'm still discovering who I am. And that is extremely exciting!

OK then. Some background. My Truth. I was married once. OK, twice. My first wife gave me two children. They are very important to me. My second wife taught me many lessons. She introduced me to cocaine and methamphetamines. She showed me the incredible beauty of Canada's east coast. Nova Scotia, in general. Cape Breton Island, specifically. We were together six years.

In May of 2000, she expelled me from our home in Toronto and ended our marriage. I guess she'd had enough of my crap. She met a Dutchman on the internet, and moved to Holland to marry him. As far as I know, she's still there.

She doesn't know it, but by divorcing me and breaking my heart, she forced me to really look at myself and see where I was headed. It wasn't a very choice destination, let me tell you.

After living like a nomad for a month or two, I found an apartment. My own space. I'd never had my own place before. I'd always lived with somebody. Family. First wife. My sister for a while. Then with my second wife. Her name was ... well, I'm not sure what the protocol here is. Is it OK to use names in such a public place? Maybe someone can offer me guidance here.

I lived in that basement apartment here in the community of Mimico for 3 years and 4 months. I quit drugs. I quit cigarettes. I quit hiding from the world. And I cried and cried for the Life I'd lost. Can you imagine it? I didn't know what delights awaited me in the months and years ahead. If I had only known, dear reader, I would have suffered it gladly. Spending time alone has been the best gift I've ever given myself. My Self. I highly recommend it. It has really helped me discover my Self.

My Life today is infinitely more satisfying, more rewarding than the one I was forced to abandon. I lacked the strength to move away from a marriage that was itself pernicious and so The Universe intervened on my behalf. God stepped in.

I go to church now, most Sundays. There's a United church only a few blocks away. I've made lots of new friends at church. A few very special ones have helped me move through some recent emotional miasma. I'm grateful for their counsel.

Last December, I bought a house. Very exciting! My first. It's only a block away from my apartment. Moving day was interesting. I led a parade of friends down the street, all walking and carrying my things. The neighbours were amused, I think. Some even helped.

So here I am. In my little house in Mimico. It's only a few hundred yards to the lake. Lake Ontario. I ride my bike to work. I walk to buy groceries. I am quite happy here in my new home. In my new Life. I've learned to cook. I've done some acting in local community theatre. I've discovered that acting is my passion. I adore being on stage before a crowd. I've even won some acclaim and a couple of trophies. Isn't that fantastic?!! I've never won anything in my Life before. And I have lots of theatre friends who encourage me to limit my drama to the stage. Mostly, I do.

Sigh ...

But sometimes, just sometimes, I get lonely. I don't miss her, but I miss ... someone.