This "RJ" Fellow

Hello, Ms Journal.

I'm back. I've been trying to understand what it was, exactly, that made me think it was alright to post such libellous drivel here about Meagan's boyfriend. Perhaps you didn't get a chance to see what I wrote here last week. And perhaps that's a good thing. I've deleted it.

You see I met RJ a week ago last Sunday. Meagan was in G-town and she wanted me to meet him. She's proud of her man, and she wanted to show him off. She wanted her father to meet this boy about whom she's completely crazy. She wanted me to see him in the same light she does.

So I met him. I met both of them at the mall in town. We shared some conversation and later, I drove them back to Mt. Forest where Meagan's mum met us and took them home with her. It was a good first meeting, Ms J. I was charming and kind. So was young RJ. The difference was, RJ's behaviour was sincere. Mine was not.

Well, that's not entirely true. Let me explain.

RJ (his name is Robert James, but folks call him RJ) was an absolute delight. He was respectful of Meagan and me. He was considerate of the feelings of others. He did everything right. I, on the other hand, acted like the great guy I am, and after giving him a hug and sending them on their way, came home here and wrote a hurtful, dishonest post about him.

Why did I do that? Why did I smear this young man's good name when I had only just met him?

I came home from work a few days later and checked my blog to find a long, long comment from someone named Jimmy. It was RJ. He had discovered my blog and caught me in my lies. And he was hurt and angry. Disappointed. Confused, probably. He'd assumed our meeting had gone well. His comment lambasted me.

Ironically, RJ's comments were not as withering as mine. He has a way, this boy, of communicating his feelings and getting his point across without being cruel. I was embarrassed as I read it, but never once felt as though I were being attacked. RJ writes clearly, coherently, and as eloquently as I do. The difference is that he's kinder than I am.

I spent a sleepless night, and the next day, offered apologies. I'd hurt Meagan and I'd hurt RJ. This young man was completely undeserving of my wrath and not only had I disrespected him, but I'd done it in a very public way. I am ashamed of that. Worse still, I hurt Meagan, the girl I claim to love more than any other.

I spoke with them recently and explained my motives for writing such hurtful things. I told them I was afraid. I was afraid RJ might break Meagan's heart. And I was afraid he might lead her toward drugs or toward quitting school. So much of my bad behaviour is based on fear, Ms J. If I could simply learn to trust my daughter's instincts, I wouldn't have to worry so.

"Don't worry, Dad," she tells me. "I'm fine."

I think another reason I wrote those things was because I feel jealous of RJ. I suppose, in some way, I feel threatened by him. You see, Ms J, Meagan is my girl. She's my little Scout. And now she's showing more interest in another man. I feel like I'm losing her.



I know this Meagan is gone forever but she'll always remain in my heart this way. RJ fancies the new Meagan, the fifteen-year-old Meagan. Yet, in my heart, she'll always be eight. She'll always be my little girl. I promise to work harder to accept my daughter as she is each day, and to rejoice in her journey from child to woman.

I'm sorry I painted such a horrible picture of RJ. After talking to him and receiving his quiet compassion, I will tell you that he's precisely the kind of man I'd choose for my daughter.

Too bad it took such a painful event to open my eyes.

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