Shaddup Already

People and their friggin' cell phones!

I am so tired of listening to phone conversations on the train, Ms J. Honestly! Why is it that on a car that seats about two hundred people, there's always one idiot with a cell phone permanently stuck to the side of his face?

"HI IT'S ME AGAIN. I GUESS YOU'VE LEFT THE OFFICE. IT'S 5:15. HA! HA! I ALWAYS SEEM TO GET YOUR VOICE MAIL, EH? SO ANYWAY, I WAS THINKING ABOUT THAT PROPOSAL YOU MENTIONED AT THE MEETING AND I REALLY THINK WE SHOULD GO AHEAD WITH IT. IT'S THE BEST IDEA I'VE HEARD YET."

Blah blah freaking blah.

No one cares, Buddy. There's no one on this train who wants to hear your stupid conversation about a stupid proposal to a stupid answering machine. It's Friday for goodness sake. Give it a rest.

Hey. Here's a proposal for you. How 'bout we all swarm you, remove that phone from your ear and insert it where it'll be no good to you whatsoever?

Lower your voice! You don't have to yell. It's a modern telephone you're using, not a piece of string and two tin cans. And turn the speaker volume down. We don't want to hear the other side of the conversation either.

And what about those irritating ring tones, eh Ms J? Happy, sappy electronic versions of songs that were annoying enough in their original format. And why must they be so loud? Don't most phones have a "vibrate" feature that allows a silent ring? Why not use it?

I'm tired of cell phones and people who feel they must be available every waking minute. I mean really, Ms J. Is anyone really that important? Whatever did we do before the age of cell phones? We left a message or tried again later, that's what we did. We actually went out, away from the phone, and had a Life. When we returned, we collected our calls.

Me? I don't own one. I find the damned things intrusive and annoying. But if you must use a cell phone, please consider those around you. And for goodness sake, turn it off in theatres and cinemas and restaurants.

Don't even get me started about restaurants.

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