Opening Night Tonight

Our play opens tonight, Ms J. The curtain goes up at 8:00. The theatre seats just under five hundred and according to recent reports, it's nearly sold out. I was up at 4:00 this morning for work and I've been busy all day. I had no time for a nap. I am seriously sleep-deprived. I hope my performance doesn't suffer.

Here are my plans for this evening:

Shower and shave. Leave home around 6:00.


Arrive here by 6:30.


Enter through this door.

Sign the appearance sheet and make my way to the dressing room. Exchange jokes with other nervous actors, and get into my costume. Then go down the hall to make-up.


Get my make-up done by one of two very pretty girls.

Join the other actors on stage at 7:00 for physical and vocal warm-ups. "Ap Pap. Ep Pep. Ip Pip. Op Pop. Up Pup. Ma ma ma. Na na na. Da da da." (And so on.)

Finish getting dressed downstairs and wait for cue from Ass't Stage Manager. Pace. Make stupid, nervous jokes with the others who wait with me.

Enter stage on cue. Immediately, capture the attention of the audience. Shine!


Have a few drinks with the lads.

We all get pretty drunk in Act 1. Robert Ramsey, a young new comer to our gathering opines that the town needs to attract conventions. This prompts my character, in a drunken stupor, to speak this line, my personal favourite:

"Conventions? Nonsense! Masses of men, away from home, are disgusting. They can't hold their liquor. They wander the streets at two in the morning, and piss on your snapdragons."

I know it's bad luck to wish an actor "good luck", Ms J. But please don't say "break a ..." Well, you know.


"They wander the streets at two in the morning and piss on yer snapdragons."

Ta!

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