I Wonder What Went Wrong

What did I do, Ms J? Was it something I said?

The phone rang here early this afternoon. It was Kelly.

"I just called to let you know that Meagan went to school today. But she's home now. I picked her up at noon."

"How come, Kelly? What's the matter?"

"She's got her period, Dale, and she's hemorrhaging. Like before."

Kelly's a great fan of hyperbole.

"Hmmm," I said. "Alright then."

"Yeah, I've got to try and get her an appointment to see a gynecologist."

She's been talking about that since last summer, Ms J. Remember Meagan's frantic phone call here when she started her period at camp in August? Kelly promised then to take her to see a doctor.

"Well Kelly," I said, "I think there's some sense of urgency in this. Why don't you take her to the doctor?"

"I will."

When, I wondered. After she bleeds to death? I thought it, Ms Journal, but I said nothing.

"I also wanted to let you know that Meagan told her principal that she doesn't want you having access to her school reports. As of right now, the school can no longer talk to you about Meagan's grades. And you won't be getting any report cards."

I could scarcely believe it. It seemed incredible! Outrageous, even. I got angry.

"I'll go to court then, Kelly, and force the school to share that information with me."

Kelly had set a trap for me, and once again, I had walked right into it.

"Fine," she hissed. "And I'll take you back to court for more child sup---"

I hung up the phone. I am so tired of hearing that threat every time we argue.

The phone rang again and like a fool, I answered it.

"Hello?"

"I guess my phone must have cut out somehow. We got disconnected."

I think she honestly didn't know I'd hung up on her.

"Why did you call me, Kelly?" I asked. "Did you call me to hurt me, or to threaten me? Did you call to upset me or frighten me? Because I won't listen to that. If you have something to tell me that directly concerns the welfare of Dan or Meagan, I'll listen. I don't want to hear anything other than that."

She started again with threats about increasing my child support payments. I hung up again. She called back and I hung up a third time. I was shaking, Ms Journal. I tried to calm myself and discern what it was that frightened me so. I was afraid that Kelly will turn Meagan against me and she won't come to visit anymore. That's the Truth.

I tried desperately to contact the school principal but she did not return my calls. I wanted to ask her if what Kelly said was true. I wanted to know if Meagan had the right to deny me access to her school records. And I wanted to learn if it was possible to overturn that edict.

When I got home from work tonight, there was a phone message waiting for me. With great trepidation, I held the phone to my ear. It was Meagan's voice I heard. She spoke in a solemn monotone.

"Hi Dad. It's Meagan. I won't be coming to visit you this weekend. I'm just sick of your bullshit and I ---"

I didn't hear the rest of the message, Ms J. I deleted it. It hurt too much to listen to it. Dan broke my heart last year. Meagan did too, when she withheld her Love after I argued with her mother. And again when she didn't even see me after I'd broken my leg. Kelly disturbs me every time I talk to her.

What am I doing wrong, Ms J? Will someone please tell me? I don't want to be estranged from my daughter. I don't want to fight with any of them. What did I do, other than express concern that Meagan's not going to school? I spoke directly to her by telephone. I didn't threaten her at all or get angry. I didn't raise my voice or offer any intractible ultimatums. And I never spoke a word either to or about Meagan's mum.

What happened? And what am I to do now, I ask you. Quid faciam???

I feel like writing an email to Meagan, but I'm still too hurt, too angry. I'll wait until I'm able to respond, rather than react. It might take a while.

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