I Hate Holland

I don't mean to, Ms J. But I can't seem to help it. Let me explain.

Donna was my second wife, my last wife, and the one I truly loved. I behaved badly in the relationship and after six years together (two years married) Donna stopped loving me. She had demonstrated patience and tolerance beyond anything imaginable. She deserves credit for that. In what appeared to me then to be a sudden and capricious decision, she evicted me from our home and barred me from her Life forever. My pain had just begun. She sought Love on the internet and soon found it. She packed her belongings and fled to a new continent to begin a new Life with a new lover. His name is Rein. They live in The Netherlands, about an hour from Amsterdam. Donna and Rein are married now; I wish them happiness.

Donna moved quickly from hurt to happiness, but for me, it's been a long journey to this point, Ms J. A long, long journey indeed. I spent most of three years loving her and hating her at the same time. I wished for relief. I longed to forget her and just not to care anymore. I prayed for it, fervently and repeatedly. Church helped. So did friends. I have lots of friends, Ms Journal. Wonderful, trustworthy, caring, loving friends. I am so blessed.

After May 28, 2000, I abhorred all things "Donna". I detested Nova Scotia. Cape Breton Island. Donna's birthplace. I hated little red cars and perpetually happy people. I hated East Coast music, Celtic music. Fiddles. I hated lobsters and mussels and Atlantic salmon. She moved to Holland, so I hated all things Dutch: Tulips. Windmills. KLM. Van Anything. The entire Amsterdamn country.

But I didn't like hating Holland. Holland loves Canada. The Dutch are eternally grateful to Canada for liberating their country from the Nazis in World War Two. My father spent time in Holland during the war. He fell in love with a Dutch girl in Apeldoorn. He still talks about "Yanny Visser". Dad is a huge fan of Holland. It didn't feel right to continue hating people I've never met. Although I long ago stopped hating Donna and all her Donna things, I was still struggling with my unhealthy attitude toward The Netherlands.

The Universe offered me help. I was subjected to Dutch books, (I recently read The Diary of Anne Frank) and movies with Dutch settings (Deuce Bigalow - European Gigalo). Even the intern minister at church is of Dutch descent. Her name is Carla Van Delen. She's very nice. My friend Andra recently visited Donna in Europe. She brought me a souvenir - A candle from Holland.


My Holland Candle. Tapering bad feelings.

Every day lately, I have burned this candle and prayed for an end to my burden of contempt. I've carried it long enough. My hope is that when the candle is gone, so too will be my unreasonable torment. My father loved a Dutch girl. He was, and remains quite smitten with The Netherlands. I have no reason to hate Holland. I never had a reason to hate Holland.

Besides, there's a woman who lives there, who will always hold a special place in my heart. I love you Donna Lesa. And I always will. I'm sorry things didn't work out between us, but I know now it was all for the best. I wish you peace.

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